The Worst Thing
by moosey16
Summary: After death, the Star Wars crew’s adventures still aren’t over as they discover that the worst thing that can happen to a Jedi is not the Dark Side, it’s Mary Sue.
1. Chapter 1: The Other Chosen 1

After death, the Star Wars crew's adventures still aren't over as they discover that the worst thing that can happen to a Jedi is not the Dark Side, it's Mary Sue. 

I'm just writing this completely for fun. I read a few of them for other genres and decided to give it a try for myself, have fun and many laughs while I'm doing it.

Review with any comments. Suggestions are most welcome because I have no set in stone future plot for this. I would also like some fake reviews to add at the end of 'The Other Chosen 1'. Anything is welcome for that.

Warnings include OOC, possible slash, violence, and sexual themes. But I will try to keep this rated T.

**Chapter One: The Other Chosen One**

Anakin smiled and gazed at his beautiful wife, Padmé, as they sat in their room in the Netherworld of the Force. It had been a hundred years of since they had moved into the Netherworld together. Padmé had gone ahead and they had been separated briefly when she had died in childbirth. Now, they all lived together in the Netherworld. Obi-Wan was down the hall with Masters Yoda, Windu and Qui-Gon. Anakin's children Luke and Leia and Leia's husband Han all lived nearby too.

Even their former enemies like Darth Maul, Count Dooku, General Grievous, Grand Moff Tarkin and Emperor Palpatine had come to coexist with them in the Netherworld. It was nice for Anakin to finally be at peace with himself and those around him.

But Anakin didn't know how disturbed that peace was about to get.

His former Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, walked into the room holding some sort of strange black rectangle. He handed it to Anakin. "Does this belong to you?" asked the Jedi Master giving him a curious look.

Anakin turned the thing over in his hands and Padmé watched with curiosity. "What is it?" he asked.

"Master Yoda seems to thing it is called a book," Obi-Wan said. "He says it used to be used to tell stories. I think it has your name on the cover." He pointed to some pink writing underneath the words 'The Other Chosen 1' that said 'anakinsrealluvur'.

Padmé cast Anakin a suspicious glance. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?" the former Queen and Senator asked him.

Anakin tried to explain. "I have no idea what this is!" he tried to tell her. "Get it our of here, Obi-Wan!"

Obi-Wan took the book back. "Fine," he said. "I'll just go give it back to Master Yoda. Maybe he has some other ideas for it."

The Jedi Master walked over to the door and pressed the button, but the door didn't open. "Uh oh," he said sadly.

"What?" Anakin asked.

"Your door," said Obi-Wan, "It won't open."

"Impossible," Anakin argued, getting up and pressing the button. "Try using the Force," he suggested.

Obi-Wan did. Still, nothing happened.

He sighed. "I guess I'm stuck here with this book."

Anakin groaned. All he wanted was to be alone with Padmé. He went back over to the couch sat down. Obi-Wan followed and sat down on Padmé's other side. He fingered the book in his hands.

"If we're going to be stuck here, perhaps we should read this book for entertainment," he suggested. Padmé and Anakin agreed. What else did they have to do?

"Let's each take turns reading a chapter at a time," Padmé suggested.

"Sounds fair," said Obi-Wan. "I'll start off."

_A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… (A/N: well actuallie it starts off real close, on earth!)_

"Earth?" Anakin and Padmé asked Obi-Wan.

"I don't know," he said. "That's what it says here. It must be another planet."

"This doesn't look like a very promising story," Padmé said.

"Your probably right, look she spelled 'actually' wrong," Obi-Wan said. "That's a tell-tale sign of bad writing. I have a bad feeling about this."

_Perfectua Bellenina was the most beautiful girl on the whole planet, actually the whole universe. _

"Well that's wrong," Anakin told Padmé. "You're the most beautiful girl in the whole universe."

"At least my name is normal," she replied.

Obi-Wan glared at them and continued reading.

_Every boy in the whole wide world was chasing after her. She had perfect, silky, raven black hair that shone with the light of all the suns in the galaxy._

"How can black hair shine like a sun?" Padmé asked. "Suns are bright and black is not."

_Her eyes were perfectly shaped little orbs that changed color with her mood, and her body was as hot as a girl's body could get. Right now, her eyes were a bright blue because she was soooo happy. She had just seen the last Star Wars movie. Anakin was soooo hot when he was evil!_

Padmé and Obi-Wan stared at Anakin.

"What?" he asked innocently, seemingly enjoying being described as 'soooo hot'. "I can't help it if I'm hot when I'm evil."

Anyway, she walked into her gigantic mansion house (didi mention she's rich?). Perfectua gasped as what she saw. There was a bloody old man lying in her foyer! She recognized him as being Ben Kenobi from Star Wars Episode IV! 

"Wait a minute!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "What is this nonsense? How does she recognize me and why am I bloody in her foyer?"

"You're just mad because she thinks I'm hot," Anakin said. "Keep reading."

"_Ohmigosh! Ben Kenobi!" Perfectua exclaimed. Her eyes turned to blue for shock._

"Wasn't blue happiness?" Padmé asked.

"_You must be Perfectua," Ben breathed. Perfectua knew he was dying. She was very, very smart too._

Padmé snorted. "Get real," she said to the book.

"_Yes, Ben, what is it? Why are you like dying in my foyer?"_

"_I came here to tell you something," he explained. "Earth is not your home planet. You were really born on Coruscant, the capital of the Galactic Republic. The galaxy needs your help."_

"_But what about Anakin?" Perfectua asked. She looked very cute and sexy when she was concerned for hot guys like Anakin. "Isn't he the chosen one?"_

"If she ever comes here for real, I'll strangle here," Padmé growled.

Anakin put his arm around her comfortingly. "Don't worry. I can't help it that girls think I'm hot."

Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Excuse me! I want to see if she kills me off or not. I do hope she does because then I can't come back and be abused even more."

"_Anakin is too weak to fulfill his destiny," Ben said. "We need you to come and help him. You are the other chosen one."_

"Too weak to fulfill my destiny?" Anakin screamed. "I did kill Palpatine, I did, I did!" he whined.

"_Ohmigosh!" Perfectua exclaimed. "Do I get to go away in a starship and meet Anakin?" That was her dream come true. She always wanted to meet Anakin, that super hot badass Jedi._

Padmé groaned. "Yes, we all know how you think Anakin's hot. Can we talk about something else now?"

"_Yes," Ben managed to say. His breathing was beginning to slow down and he started to die._

"I'm just staring to die?" Obi-Wan asked in disbelief. "I thought I was dying before she came into the house.

"Nothing seems to be logical in this story," Padmé stated.

"_There's more you should know," Ben said. "You are a Jedi and you can use the Force. You have an even higher midi-chlorian count than Anakin. You father is…"_

_Then Ben died._

"Finally!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "Now I can just sit back and listen to your characters get mercilessly mutilated and out of character!"

Anakin and Padmé stared at him. "If that's what happened after he was only in one chapter, imagine what will happened after two," Anakin whispered as Obi-Wan glared at the book angrily.

"_Ohmigosh, Ben! You're dead!" Perfectua yelled in despair. Obi-Wan had been kind hot in Episode I but not as hot as Anakin in Episode III._

Obi-Wan smiled. "She doesn't have entirely bad taste," he said.

"I'm still hotter!" Anakin bragged.

Padmé glared at both of them. "Keep reading!" she ordered.

_Suddenly, legions of battle droids appeared in her house her house. "Ohmigosh! They must have followed Ben here to kill me!" she decided. Perfectua stole Ben's lightsaber and killed all the droids with her kickass lightsaber moves that were way better than Anakin's even though he was totally hot._

"Better than mine?" Anakin gasped incredulously.

"I doubt it," Obi-Wan said. "That must have been the very first time she ever picked up a lightsaber. This Perfectua is too perfect. Oh my, it even says it in her name."

_She took Ben's lightsaber and hooked it to the belt of her super hot jean skirt that showed off her skinny, muscular legs and ran through her clean house, cluttered with battle droids house till she found Ben's starship._

"Geez," said Padmé. "We can only take so many contradictions at once. Can we please try to get that door open again?"

"No," Anakin and Obi-Wan said simultaneously.

"I need to make sure she keeps saying that I'm hot."

"I want to watch you both suffer through the rest of this while I'm dead."

_Like the expert she was, Perfectua started up the ship and flew off to the galaxy far, far away._

_A/N… Well's there's the first chapter of my soon to be masterpiece, The Other Chosen 1! I really hope you like Perfectua! I know I do!_

_Love, anankinsrealluvur_

"Ok," Padmé said standing up. "That's the end now. Let's try to get that door open again."

"No," Anakin pulled her back down. "There's still loads more chapters to read."

Padmé groaned and looked over at Obi-Wan. "Please," she begged. "Talk some sense into him."

Obi-Wan shook his head as the door to the apartment opened. Jedi Master Yoda walked in.

"Belong to him the book does?"

"Master! Don't let the door-," the door closed behind Yoda, "-close."


	2. Chapter 2: The Battle Over Coruscant

**Chapter Two: The Battle Over Coruscant**

"Why not?" Yoda asked.

"Because it won't open again," Padmé exclaimed, throwing her head into her hands. She had desperately wanted to get away from Perfectua Bellenina, the all too perfect bitch who was trying to steal Anakin from her.

"Nonsense that is," said Master Yoda, turning around to open the door. When it didn't open, they all heard him sigh and say, "Right you are."

The wizened old Jedi Master hobbled over to the couch where Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padmé sat with 'The Other Chosen 1'. He poked Anakin with his walking stick. "Right I was. Belong to you this book does?" he asked.

Anakin shook his head frantically. "No, Master," he tried to explain. "I've never seen it before in my life!"

"Hmm?" Yoda said. "Then come from where did it?"

"I don't know, Master."

"Hmmm," Yoda said, pondering the mystery of the book with sincerity. He cast his old eyes at Obi-Wan. "Reading it, have you been? A little more knowledge might light our way."

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan answered.

"Hold what story, it does?" Yoda asked.

"Well, err, you see, Master," Obi-Wan stuttered. "It starts off on this strange planet Earth. There's this girl, Perfectua Bellenina."

"Who's way too perfect to be real," Padmé added bitterly.

"And she thinks I'm the hottest guy in the galaxy," Anakin said with a grin.

Obi-Wan glared at his former apprentice and continued, "I show up, dying and bloody in her foyer, and tell her that the galaxy needs her to fulfill Anakin's destiny. It takes me an incredibly long time to die and then she kills these battle droids with my lightsaber and flies off in my starship, the dirty little thief," he added bitterly.

Yoda appeared deeply disturbed by this description of 'The Other Chosen 1'. "Dangerous and disturbing this puzzle is," he said. "A Mary Sue she must be."

"A Mary what?" the three of them asked in confusion.

"A Mary Sue," Yoda repeated confidently. "A perfect, beautiful temptress she is. A lot of FanFiction she pollutes with her perfect ways."

Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padmé stared at him in shock.

"Master," Obi-Wan ventured. "How do you know this?"

"A lot of free time I have," he explained. "A lot of these stories I have suffered through, trying to learn her perfect ways in order to destroy her. Many faces she has. Like the Dark Side of the Force, she is, but more evil."

They stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Continue reading may I?" the old Jedi asked.

Obi-Wan handed him the book.

_Hey peoples! It's time for chapter two!!! This is going to be so much fun!!!!_

_Love, anankinsrealluvur_

"Eight exclamation points she used," said Yoda. "And only three sentences she has. Bad grammar is also the mark of a Mary Sue and her ways of evil and perfectness."

"Perfectness? I think he's read too many of these," Anakin whispered to Padmé who giggled.

_Perfectua Bellenina, being as perfect as she was, arrived in the galaxy far, far away just in time for the awesomeness of the battle over Coruscant! "Ohmigosh!" she exclaimed. "The Battle over Coruscant! I know where Anakin is right now! Ohmigosh! He's so hot!"_

Padmé and Obi-Wan groaned at her repetitive mentions of Anakin's hotness. Anakin grinned in ecstasy, but he would soon be wishing her dead too.

She took the chance to show off her totally awesome and kickass pilot skills. She dodged droid fire left and right, immediately seeing Anakin's sexy starfighter and following him into General Greivous's star destroyer thing. 

"Oh please spare us!" Obi-Wan cried. "Everyone knows that they weren't called star destroyers until the Galactic Civil War. And since when is a starfighter sexy?"

"Since it belongs to me," Anakin answered.

Yoda silenced them with a wave of his hand. "Intriguing this Sue is," he said.

"_Ohmigod!" Perfectua squealed as Anakin and Obi-Wan jumped out of their starfighter and started killing all the droids. _

"What a moment!" Obi-Wan protested. "I died last chapter!"

"The unique ability to get around logic a Sue has," Yoda told him.

_Perfectua flew out of Ben's starfighter and started killing droids to help out the hot Jedi with Ben's blue lightsaber. When she was done showing off her kickass lightsaber skills and all the droids were dead, she put her lightsaber on her belt and walk over to Anakin and Obi-Wan. She giggled cutely when she saw them both transfixed by her beauty._

Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padmé all blanched as Yoda continued to read. Anakin and Obi-Wan were terrified to be transfixed by the beauty of some terribly annoying 'Mary Sue' and Padmé was incredibly mad that Anakin was transfixed by the beauty of another girl.

"_Hey!" she called sexily, eyeing Anakin. She was soooo excited to finally meet her sexy, badass Jedi idol._

_While Obi-Wan was too busy staring in Perfectua's perfectness,_

Padmé nearly choked. "That's a mouthful," she said. " 'Perfectua's perfectness'! Hmph!"

Obi-Wan was equally disturbed. He was too disgusted to say anything.

_Anakin flashed her a hot, flirtatious smile. "Hey," he said his voice deep and sexy, just like Perfectua had always imagined it in her dreams. "Who are you?"_

"_My name's Perfectua," she said, smiling back with an equally hot and flirtatious smile. "Perfectua Bellenina. I'm new here. I came from earth!"_

Padmé clenched her fists in anger. "I'll strangle her," she vowed.

"Have that effect on many, Mary Sue does."

"_I've never heard of it," Anakin replied, gazing into her beautiful eyes, they were now pink for happiness._

Padmé was too angry to even say anything. Just last chapter, blue was her color for happiness.

_Meanwhile, Obi-Wan had recovered from his initial shock of meeting anyone with such beauty of Perfectua. Now, he was eyeing her lightsaber warily. "Hey!" he said. "Isn't that…"_

_But Anakin and Perfectua ignored him. "It's very far from here," Perfectua explained. "But it doesn't matter," she said, deciding not to tell him about Ben's bloody death in her foyer. She didn't think that be logical._

Nobody bothered to comment on the fact that nothing at all was logical in this story because they thought it was far too obvious.

"_Well, I'm glad you're here now," Anakin said with a smile as more battle droids came to attack them. His lightsaber was up in an instant as he slayed each and every foe without taking his eyes off of Perfectua._

"I must be good," Anakin complimented himself. "Not many can do that."

Padmé silenced him with a jealous glare.

"_What do we do next?" Perfectua asked Anakin. "There's probably a trap!"_

_Anakin nodded. "What should our next move be?" he asked the extremely hot new Jedi girl. "You must be smart enough to figure it out."_

"_Spring the trap," she said with a wickedly sexy smile._

"The was my line!" Obi-Wan protested. "She's stealing everything from me! First my lightsaber, then my fighter and now my lines!"

_Anakin smiled back and followed Perfectua through the star destroyed thingy and each time they were attacked by droids Perfectua cut them down within seconds without even working up a sweat. Anakin was so awed by her that he couldn't think of anything to say. She was perfect! Even more beautiful and smart than Padmé_, _the Senator from Naboo that he almost married three years ago. _

"_Almost_ married?" Padmé growled at Anakin.

"I don't know what she's talking about!" Anakin said as he looked at the book warily. What else would it say that would put his relationship with Padmé on the rocks.

_But now as he looked at Perfectua he completely forgot about Padmé and her senatorness_.

"My senatorness?" Padmé asked angrily. "Now is that anyway to talk about your wife?"

Anakin blanched. "Keep reading, Master," he ordered, hoping to avoid confrontation with Padmé.

"The end that is," Yoda said as opened and the four of them looked over hopefully.

Count Dooku was standing there, looking dumbstruck as to why they were all sitting on the couch with a book. "Master Windu asked me where Yoda was…"

"Dooku!" they all screamed. "Don't let the door… close."

The door had closed behind Dooku before he could react to their warning. The confused Count and Sith Lord turned around. "Why?" he asked. "Why can't I close the door."

"Because it won't open again," Padmé said with a depressed sigh.

Dooku pressed the button, and the door didn't open. He tried several more times without success before turning around to face them again. "It seems you are correct," he said.

They all nodded sadly as Count Dooku came over and took a seat across from the couch where they sat. "What are you looking at there?" he asked Yoda, greedy eyes watching the book.

"It's called a book," Obi-Wan said to Dooku. "And incredibly annoying one that tells an incredibly annoying story."

Dooku raised his eyebrows. "What is this story about?"

"Mary Sue," said Yoda.

"Mary what?"

"A Mary Sue," Yoda repeated confidently. "A perfect, beautiful temptress she is. A lot of FanFiction she pollutes with her perfect ways."

"Her name is Perfectua Bellenina," Padmé added dryly.

There was a look of horror on the Count's face. "Sounds awful," he whispered.

"Oh, it's not that bad," Anakin said proudly. "Every sentence she mentions my hotness."

Padmé shot him a deadly glare.

"But she also insults Padmé which is not cool," Anakin added quickly.

"Keep reading," Obi-Wan said to Yoda. "It's time he understood what we're talking about."


	3. Chapter 3: Confrontation with Dooku

**Chapter Three: The Confrontation with Count Dooku**

"The end of the chapter that is," said Jedi Master Yoda as he passed 'The Other Chosen 1' to Padmé Amidala, former Queen and Senator.

Padmé eyed the book warily. What horror was it about to unleash this time? She was almost too afraid to even open it to the next chapter.

_Why do I still have no reviews for this story????!!!! Come on people this is a good story!!!_

"I haven't a clue," Obi-Wan said sarcastically.

"Do I really have to ready this?" Padmé asked.

"Yes!" said Anakin, Yoda and Dooku.

_Chapter 3: the big fight scene with the count Dooku guy_

Anakin, Padmé, Obi-Wan and Yoda all turned to look at Count Dooku with evil smiles on their faces.

"What?" Dooku demanded. "Why are you all looking at me?"

"You'll see," Padmé said evilly.

"Oh yes," said Obi-Wan with an evil gleam in his eye. "You'll see."

_So, after fighting all the droids in the entire general grievous' star destroyer, Perfectua, Anakin and Obi-Wan appeared in the place where the chancellor Palpatine guy was being held hostage. Perfectua Bellenina, the cute little sexy perfect earth girl,_

"Can I please stop now?" Padmé asked, looking a lot like a tortured little ewok.

They all glared at her and said in unison, "Keep reading."

_Walked between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, two incredibly hot Jedi Knights who she had always dreamed of meeting._

Obi-Wan turned to Anakin. "Now we're both incredibly hot," he said with a smile.

"I'm still hotter," Anakin said with a pout.

_She saw chancellor Palpatine sitting in that creepy revolving chair that really, really reminded her of his throne aboard the second Death Star in Star Wars Episode VI._

"Star Wars Episode VI?" Dooku asked Yoda.

The little green man shook his head. "Know what that is I do not. Mentioned it before she has."

_The creepy old man turned in his chair to meet them. "Count Dooku," he said, staring in horror at the balcony behind them._

_Anakin, Obi-Wan and Perfectua turned around to see the sinister old Sith Lord staring at them in all his ugliness._

Dooku's mouth was open and he couldn't say anything. Obi-Wan patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay. It'll only get worse," he said.

_The Jedi took of their cloaks but Palpatine tried to stop them. "You can't take him. He's a Sith Lord," the creepy old man said._

_Perfectua gave him one of her famous sexy smiles. "Chancellor Palpatine," she said. "Sith Lords are our speciality."_

"She did it again!" Obi-Wan shouted. When he saw Dooku's look of confusion, he elaborated, "So far she's stolen my lightsaber, my starfighter and two of my lines."

_"I think you should do it together," Perfectua said to Anakin and Obi-Wan._

Obi-Wan let out a strangled cry.

"_I was just about to say that," Anakin said, looking at Obi-Wan._

_Meanwhile, Count Dooku had made his way down to their level. "Your swords, Master Jedi?" he said as he eyed Perfectua and her perfect physical features._

"I would not!" Count Dooku exclaimed, staring at the book in disbelief.

Obi-Wan patted him on the back again. "I know how you feel. Earlier on, I was 'transfixed by her beauty'."

"_We don't want to make a mess of things in front of the Chancellor."_

_Anakin, Obi-Wan and Perfectua moved toward Count Dooku. "You won't get away this time, Dooku," Perfectua said and she managed to sound both threatening and sexy at the same time._

Padmé sighed. "See? She's so desperate she's trying to sound sexy for Dooku."

Dooku glared at her. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked angrily.

_Dooku raised his eyebrows and smiled at Perfectua. "Have we met before?" he asked, still eyeing her perfect body. "I think I would remember such a beautiful face."_

_Anakin put a reassuring hand on Perfectua's shoulder. "Leave her alone, Dooku," he said threateningly._

_Dooku laughed as the three Jedi charged at him. "I've been looking forward to this," he said._

Padmé looked to Dooku. "Kill her," she begged. "Kill her and I'll do whatever you want."

"Tempting," Dooku replied.

Master Yoda shook his head. "Unlikely it is. Seldom die Mary Sue does."

_"My powers have doubled since we last met, Count," Anakin warned. "And you'll find we've acquired a new ally."_

_Perfectua smiled. _Awww. How cute, _she thought. _Anakin's sticking up for me.

Padmé looked ready to kill someone.

_"Good," Dooku grinned. "Twice the pride, double the fall." He lunged at Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan fell back. "Your moves are clumsy, Kenobi… too predictable. You'll have to do better."_

_As the battle proceeded, Obi-Wan and Count Dooku began to tire. Anakin and Perfectua grew stronger the angrier they became. They continued to drive the attack on Dooku. Dooku threw Obi-Wan back using the Force. The rest of them began to move up the stairs. As they reached the upper landing Perfectua leapt over Count Dooku. Obi-Wan reached the top of the stairs. Count Dooku held OBI-WAN in the air using the Force as he turned and to kick Anakin away. OBI-WAN was choking.  
Perfectua attacked Dooku who released Obi-Wan and sent him flying. The Jedi tumbled to the lower level unconscious. Count Dooku spun around again and, using the Force, caused a section of the balcony to drop onto Obi-Wan Anakin spun and kicked Dooku, sending him over the balcony. Anakin jumped followed by Perfectua. The three continued to fight._

_"I sense great fear in you Skywalker, newcomer," Dooku said. "You both have anger and hatred, but you don't use them."_

_"That's because we're not on the Dark Side like you, Dooku," Perfectua spat._

"Thank the Force that didn't get changed too much," Obi-Wan said with a sigh of relief.

"I think you spoke too soon," Padmé said and she continued to read.

_Perfectua turned to Anakin, her eyes blazing blue for hatred._

Padmé groaned. "She had to mention those eyes."

_"Let me take him," she said. "You go help Obi-Wan."_

_Anakin nodded. "I know you can take him."_

Even Dooku groaned at this.

"I'm telling you," Padmé offered again. "I'll do anything, just kill her."

_Perfectua regained her composure and attacked Dooku as the Dark Lord continued his spin to meet her head on. Their fighting became even more intense. Dooku attacked Perfectua with a new ferociousness, enough to knock Ben's lightsaber from her hands. That took a lot of skill to do because Perfectua was very skilled._

"Yes!" Padmé exclaimed.

"She's not dead yet," Anakin pointed out. He didn't want his wife under the control of Count Dooku.

_Perfectua screamed as Count Dooku used the evil Force to throw her unconscious sexy body against the walls of the star destroyed. Anakin jumped from Obi-Wan's side to attack count Dooku with renewed vigor. Finally, in one last energized charge, Anakin cut off Dooku's hands. The Jedi caught the lightsaber as it dropped from the severed Sith Lord's hand. Dooku stumbled to the floor as Anakin put the two lightsabers to his neck. _

Anakin shrugged and looked at Dooku. "The end result is still the same," he said.

Dooku shrugged. "I'd rather die than continued living in this story."

_"How dare you harm Perfectua!" Anakin shouted in rage at the fallen count Dooku._

"Just when I thought it was getting better…" Padmé sighed.

_"Good, Anakin, good," called Chancellor Palpatine. "I knew you could do it. Kill him. Kill him now!"_

"_I shouldn't," Anakin said._

"_Do it!" ordered Palpatine._

_Anakin obeyed and cut off Count Dooku's head._

"I never get tired of that scene," Anakin said, teasing the sinister Sith Lord.

Dooku didn't appear at all upset. "At least I'm free from Perfectua," he pointed out.

"You're just jealous because she called you ugly!"

_Anakin freed the Chancellor and ran over to Perfectua. Obi-Wan had recovered by himself because he wasn't a weakling._

"I'm not sure whether I should be offended by that or not," Obi-Wan commented.

_"Leave her," Palpatine urged. "Or we'll never make it." The ship was falling apart!_

_Anakin looked offended. "I would never leave her here!" Anakin shouted at him. "I would die for her! Her fate will be the same as ours!"_

Padmé rolled her eyes. "I'm telling you," she said viciously. "I'll kill her!"

_Anakin picked up Perfectua and slung her incredibly hot body over his incredibly hot shoulders. Then he headed for the elevator with Obi-Wan and Palpatine. He carried Perfectua to the elevator and Obi-Wan and Palpatine joined him and Anakin hit the button._

_When nothing happened, he took out his comlink to contact Artoo. "Activate elevator 3224."_

_Suddenly, the ship stopped and Palpatine was thrown to the ground as the elevator doors opened. Anakin jumped to the doorframe of the elevator and looked down the shaft. It seemed to have become a long hallway. He clung to the doorframe with Perfectua on his shoulder. Obi-Wan help Palpatine join them._

"_We can't wait," he said, jumping into the shaft with Perfectua on his shoulder. "Come on, we have to be fast." They started running down the elevator shaft._

_Anakin still carrying Perfectua on his back, Obi-Wan and Palpatine ran down the elevator shaft as it started to move upright. Anakin cut a control box on one of the doors, but before the doors could open, the ship moved to an angle, causing them to start sliding down the shaft. Anakin grabbed some wires in the control box with one hand. Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin and Palpatine grabbed onto the Obi-Wan's leg. As the ship rights it, they are left hanging in the bottomless elevator shaft._

"It's not so bad without the Sue," Obi-Wan pointed out.

_As they hung precariously on the side of the bottomless elevator shaft, Perfectua regained consciousness and was very, very happy to find herself on Anakin's back._

"Obi-Wan jinxed us," Padmé said accusingly.

_"Easy there," Anakin said, clearly happy that his lover had awakened._

_Padmé glared at Anakin._

_Perfectua smiled. "Don't worry," she said with a super hot smile. "I can get us out of this."_

"Where would we be without her?" Obi-Wan asked sarcastically.

"Not in the insane asylum," Padmé replied.

_Thanks to Perfectua, the four of them were out of the elevator shaft in no time._

_"Let's see if we can find something in the hangar bay that's still flyable. Come on," Perfectua suggested._

_"Do I even need to say anything?" Obi-Wan asked. She'd stolen another one of his lines._

_They ran down the hallway. Suddenly, ray shields dropped around them, putting them in an electronic box in the middle of the hallway._

_"Ray shields," said Anakin._

_"Wait a minute, how'd this happen! We're smarter than this," Perfectua asked._

The entire group was astounded at how she'd stolen yet another one of Obi-Wan's lines.

_"Apparently not," said Anakin, gazing into Perfectua's perfect eyes._

_"I say patience," Perfectua suggested._

"Ha!" Obi-Wan exclaimed pointed a finger in Anakin's face. "Now you know how it feels!"

_"Good idea," agreed Anakin. "In a few moments, Artoo will be along and he'll release the ray shields."_

_Artoo ran into the room followed by several super battle droids. He tried to zap one of them, but it kicked him and he fell over._

_"Do you have a plan B?" Obi-Wan asked._

"That's the end of the chapter," Padmé announced with a look of relief on her face.

"Oh my," said Count Dooku. "That must have been the most atrocious story I've ever heard."

"Good," said Anakin. "Then you can read next."


	4. Chapter 4: Greivous Problems

**Chapter Four: A Grievous Problem**

Dooku's eyes went from staring at the book with uncertainty and fear to glaring at Anakin for deciding that it was his turn to read. "Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't _need_ to have a turn. In fact, I'd be much happier if you just left me out of all this."

Obi-Wan chuckled, "Oh, you don't understand. As long as you're stuck in this room with us, you _do_ need to read."

"How rude would it be of us not to include you?" Padmé asked with a fake smile. "As a former queen a senator, I could never bear to be rude like that."

"Besides," Anakin put in. "How bad can it be? She's already killed you anyway."

"But you can never be sure in this story," Obi-Wan pointed out. "She brought me back to life, remember?"

Strangely enough, Dooku didn't seem to be at all comforted by these words. His dark eyes fell on Yoda.

"Read you must," the wizened old Jedi Master told him.

Dooku sighed and put the book down. "How about we take a break?" he suggested.

The rest of them shook their heads and the door opened again. Everyone whirled around to stare at the newcomer and shout, "DON'T YOU DARE LET THAT DOOR CLOSE!" or in Yoda's case, "LET THAT DOOR CLOSE YOU MUST NOT!"

But the person standing there just happened to be General Grievous, and the cyborg and former leader of CIS military forces wasn't quick enough to stop it from closing. Seeing everyone's deadly glares, he hastily turned around and tried to pry the door open. With a cough, he turned back to the group.

"What is going on?" he demanded.

Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padmé, Yoda and Dooku all sighed and began to retell the story once again:

"A story of Mary Sue, we are reading."

"We're locked in here with this book… this horrid book."

"It's pure torture."

"Perfectua Bellenina must die!"

"She's too perfect."

"But she mentions my hotness every two sentences!"

"And steals everything from me!"

"I'll kill her!"

"She called me ugly!"

Grievous coughed extra loudly and everyone stopped shouting random complaints about Perfectua, the Mary Sue spawned by the Dark Side. "Now, we're never going to get anywhere if we all talk at once…" he started.

Anakin shouted at him, "Just shut up and sit down! I fear we're all going to be here a very long time. You'll figure it out on the way. Now, if I remember correctly, Dooku, it was your turn to read."

The Sith Lord groaned and picked 'The Other Chosen 1' up again. The look on his face as he started reading suggested that he was expecting to get beheaded again.

_Grrrrrrr…. You evil people out there! You still didn't give me any reviews! Well, any _good_ reviews. All the ones I got were flames! Stop it that mean!!!!!!!_

"Her excessive use of exclamation points frightens me," Dooku said.

"Already pointed that out we have," said Yoda. "Keep reading you will."

So they were all capture by General Grievous, who was just as ugly and disturbing as Count Dooku.

"Hey!" yelled both separatist leaders indignantly.

Once again, Obi-Wan turned to 'comfort' them, "Don't worry. It just gets worse. This is only the beginning."

_They stand before the droid general with Perfectua in the front radiating hottness and distracting each and every droid on the ship._

"I shouldn't even need to comment on how wrong that is," Padmé said.

"_Oh yes, General Kenobi, the Negotiator. We've been waiting for you. That wasn't much of a rescue," General Grievous pointed out. A droid came forward and handed him all three blue lightsabers. "And Anakin Skywalker ... I was expecting someone with your reputation to be a little older."_

"_General Grievous, you're shorter than I expected," Anakin countered._

_Perfectua smiled. Her Anakin was sooooooo smart too._

"_Her_ Anakin?" Padmé looked like she was going to be sick.

_Greivos's creepy eyes fell on Perfectua. "You…" he said. "I don't know who _you_ are."_

"Greivos?" General Grievous asked. "My name is Grievous not Greivos."

"Too lazy Sues are," Yoda pointed out, "to spell some names correctly."

_"You wouldn't have I'm to hot for you anyway," Perfectua said._

Grievous coughed again, not just because he had respiratory problems.

"_Ahhhh, Jedi scum . . ." Grievos said with a cough._

"_Anakin, Perfectua, try not to upset him. We have a job to do," Obi-Wan scolded them._

_" Your lightsabers will make a fine addition to my collection," said Gievos as he pocketed their precious weapons._

"_Not this time. And this time you won't escape," Perfectua declared._

"Padmé?" Obi-Wan asked. "When are you planning to kill this horrible abomination?"

"As soon as I get the chance," she replied.

"Good, because she's stolen another one of my lines."

_ARTOO creates a distraction by extending all his arms, shooting out electrical pulses, and bouncing around. Obi-Wan, hands restrained with electrobonds, spins around, reaches out and, using the Force, yanks his lightsaber out of the General's hand, ignites it, and cuts his bonds. He continues to spin around and cuts Anakin and the incredibly hot, sexy Perfectua free._

"Why was that just written in present tense?" Grievous asked.

"Bad writing skills she has," Yoda answered

_"Crush them! Make them suffer!" Grievos shouted angrily with some angry coughs._

_Perfectua used the Force to yank her lightsaber out of the General's hand. The droids that surrounded attacked with their wimpy laser guns that were no match for supercool lightsabers. The Jedis jumped into the line of fire. Obi-Wan and Anakin were locked in a battle between electro staffs and laser swords with some body guards but Perfectua went for General Grievous._

Anakin gasped. "Is she stealing my glory?" he demanded.

"It would seem so," Obi-Wan answered grimly.

_"Stay and watch your stations," Grievos shouted as he turned to face Perfectua head on._

_Grievos took four lightsabers out of his cloak but Perfectua only laughed. "I can take you with my eyes closed!" she declared._

"Oh, and she's so modest too," Padmé said with fake sincerity.

Dooku glared at her. "Do you mind? I would like to get this over with."

_"Sir, we are falling out of orbit. All aft control cells are dead," complained a whiny battle droid._

_" Stay on course . . . Don't bother with them. Keep the ship in orbit," Grievos ordered as he prepared to fight Perfectua. Their battle was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very…._

"It goes on for a whole paragraph," Dooku whispered in horror.

"Skip them then. I want to kill this monstrous idiot," said Grievous with a cough.

_Intense. But before long, Anakin and Obi-Wan joined them after they broked the body guards. What good are body guards if they don't protect you?_

_"You lose, General Perfectua," Greivos snarled._

"When did I learn her name?" Grievous asked.

"Haven't we told you?" Obi-Wan asked. "She has the strange ability to get around logic.

_Perfectua tried to get at Greivos. Anakin and Obi-Wan ran at the General from the opposing side. Greivos turned and throws his electrified staff at the window. It broke, causing chaos as everything that is not nailed down is sucked into space. Greivos was the first one sucked out into space. They all grabbed onto something and held on for dear life. Lucky for Perfectua she grabbed Anakin, her hawt Jedi lovur._

Padmé might have killed someone if they weren't already dead.

_A big shield thing came around to form a wall where the window should have been._

_They all continued killing every single battle droid on the ship as if they were made of butter. Palpatine stood in shock, wondering how someone so hot like Perfectua could be such a skilled Jedi._

"Even he knows its unnatural," Obi-Wan said.

_"The hull is burning up!" Palpatine cried like a baby._

Everyone broke into laughter. "If only he were here to hear that," Anakin said.

_They all went over to the navigator's chair._

_" All the escape pods have been launched," said Perfectua._

_" Grievous. Can you fly a cruiser like this?" he asked her and Anakin._

_" You mean, do we know how to land what's left of this thing?" Anakin and Perfectua asked._

_They sat in the pilot's chair and saw on a screen the back half of the ships break away. There is a great jolt, and the ship tilted forward._

_" Well?" Obi-Wan demanded, sounding a lot like a mean old impatient parent._

The laughter in the room turned to Obi-Wan, who had gone red.

"I do not sound like a mean, old, impatient parent!"

_"Under the circumstances, I'd say the ability to pilot this thing is irrelevant. Strap yourselves in," Anakin said, speaking for both him and Perfectua._

_Anakin and Perfectua struggled with the controls of the ship. The ship started to glow, and pieces break off. "Open all hatches, extend all flaps, and drag fins," Perfectua ordered._

Anakin turned to Obi-Wan. "I understand how you feel."

_A large part of the ship broke away. "I think we lost something," said Anakin._

_"Not to worry, we're still flying half the ship," Perfectua said with a smile._

Obi-Wan groaned. "Don't get used to it," he told Anakin. "It seems she's gone back to stealing my lines."

_"Fireships on the left and the right," Perfectua told Anakin as they entered Coruscant._

Obi-Wan gave Anakin an 'I told you so' look.

_" We'll take you in."_

_"We're coming in too hot!" Anakin said._

_"Easy-easy," said Perfectua, putting her hand on his arm._

Padmé took a deep breath in an attempt to control herself.

_They all held on for dear life as the ship shakes and rattles toward an industrial landing platform. Perfectua held onto Anakin for dear life._

Padmé slapped Anakin.

"What?" he demanded.

"You know perfectly well what!" she snapped.

_Emergency Fire Speeders surrounded the large landing platform in the industrial part of the city. The smoking ship approached as five Fireships sprayed it with foam. The ship finally made a rather hard landing._

_" Another happy landing," Perfectua declared._

Obi-Wan slapped Anakin too.

"What?" Anakin whined.

"It's all because of your broken door that I have to be subject to this!" Obi-Wan shouted.

"END OF THE CHAPTER!" Dooku anounced with a huge smile on his face.

They all turned to look at Grievous. "What did you think?"

Grievous coughed. "That was the most horrible piece of shit that I've ever had the displeasure of experiencing. It was even worse than being turned into this mechanical menace or killed by a Jedi scum like Kenobi."

"I'm glad you feel that way," said Obi-Wan. "We finally have something in common."

Dooku passed the book to Anakin and let out a sigh of relief.

Anakin dropped the book faster than he would have dropped a handful of lava from Mustafar. "Why do I have to read it?" he whined.

"I thought you liked it," Obi-Wan said. "I thought you liked how she always said your were hot."

Anakin glanced over at Padmé. "Obi-Wan's a liar," he said. He really didn't want Padmé mad at him over a book. Of course he liked getting called hot in the beginning, but now he wanted to kill Perfectua more than anything. All he wanted he was Padmé. That's all he'd wanted when Obi-Wan first came in with the book.

The Chosen One sighed and picked the book back up again.

"I have a bad feeling about this," he anounced.


	5. Chapter 5: Padme's Pregnant

**Chapter Five: Padmé's Pregnant**

_Chapter Five_

Anakin read with a strangled expression on his face.

_Padmay's Pregnant_

He gulped. He could hardly imagine what trouble Perfectua would be causing in this chapter. Next to him, Padmé let out a groan.

"Is she going to make me relive this?" she asked in annoyance. "Those were possibly the most stressful years of my life."

"Worse than the Invasion of Naboo?" Obi-Wan asked.

Padmé nodded. "Not only was I pregnant, but Anakin turned to the Dark Side, strangled me and forced me into premature labor," she explained, becoming angrier by the minute.

Anakin and everyone else decided not to say anything. With a deep breath, Anakin turned his attention back to the book.

_The small Jedi Shuttle carrying the super hawt Perfectua and her hawt Jedi friends and the uygly, annoying evil, plotting, I'm going to turn Anakin to the Dark side Palpatine arrived at the landing platform. Palpatine, R2-D2, Perfectua and ANAKIN get out. Obi-Wan stayed in the doorway of the Jedi Shuttle._

_" Are you coming, Master? " Anakin asked, his voice dry and sexy._

Obi-Wan gave Anakin a strange look.

"Master, I can assure you that I do not try to sound sexy when I talk to you."

_"Oh no. I'm not brave enough for politics. I have to report to the Council. Besides, someone needs to be the poster boy," Obi-Wan answered._

_" Hold on, this whole operation was your idea. You planned it. You led the rescue operation. You have to be the one to take the bows this time," Perfectua said, not wanting to leave either of the hawt Jedi._

Dooku glared at Anakin and Obi-Wan. Not once had Perfectua mentioned _his_ sexiness and he didn't have a clue why.

_" Sorry, my friends. Let us not forget that you rescued me from the Buzz Droids. And you killed Count Dooku. And you rescued the Chancellor, carrying Perfectua unconscious on your back," Obi-Wan said. _

_"All because of your training, Master," said Anakin. Perfectua sighed. He was so cute when he was modest._

"Humph!" went Padmé.

_"Anakin, let's be fair. Today, you are the hero and you deserve your glorious day with the politicians." _

"All right. But you owe me . . . and not for saving your skin for the tenth time . . . "

_"Ninth time . . . that business on Cato Nemoidia doesn't count. I'll see you at the briefing."_

_Perfectua laughed. She'd loved that line when she'd heard it in the movies._

"Movies?" Grievous asked.

""Know we do not," Yoda answered. "Some torture device used by the Sue it must be."

Anakin smiled and walked away from Obi-Wan with Perfectua next to him; they met Bail Organa, yet another man who admired Perfectua's perfectness.

Padmé snorted again. "That's the second time she used that line."

"The Republic cannot praise you enough," Organa told Anakin and Perfectua.

_"Thank you, Senator Organa," said Perfectua._

_" The end of Count Dooku will surely bring an end to this war, and an end to the Chancellor's draconian security measures," said the Senator._

_"I wish that were so, but the fighting is going to continue until General Grievous is spare parts . . . The Chancellor is very clear about that," said Anakin, actually sounding intelligent._

Anakin looked shocked.

"Yes, my friend," said Obi-Wan. "She did just insult you."

_"I'll do everything I can with the Senate."_

_" Excuse me," said Anakin._

_Perfectua groaned inwardly, careful not to let Anakin here. She knew that this was when he met with Padmay._

"She spelt my name wrong, didn't she?" Padmé asked when Anakin paused.

Anakin nodded slowly.

"Pfft! She'd better be careful not to let you hear her groan. We wouldn't want anyone to know what a bitch she is!"

_" Certainly. "_

_Anakin went over to the shadowy, fat figure of Padmay Amidala_

"I AM NOT FAT!" Padmé exclaimed. "I WAS PREGNANT!"

_" Oh, Anakin! Thank goodness, you're back." She yelled, throwing her chubby arms around him._

"I AM NOT FAT!"

_Anakin seemed a little disgusted and glanced back at Perfectua._

Padmé was disgusted with that line. "Oh, did you?" she asked Anakin. "Well, why don't you just run off with her then?"

"Because I love you," Anakin said quickly, hoping to save his relationship with Padmé from complete annihilation.

_"There were whispers . . . that you'd been killed. I've been living with unbearable dread," Padmay continued, stroking his perfect hair with her greasy hands._

"GREASY HANDS?"

_Padmay started to give him kiss. He stepped back. _

Padmé glared at Anakin.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and the others were having a hard time trying not to laugh while Anakin's marriage was wrecked by a book.

_"Wait, not here . . . " he protested._

_She grabs him again. "Yes, here! I'm tired of all this deception. I don't care if they know we're married."_

"Does anyone else see that she's reversed our lines to each other?" Padmé asked angrily.

_"I'm . . . Annie, I'm pregnant." Padmay said with Perfectua looking on._

_ANAKIN was stunned. He ran his hands through his hair in annoyance._

"_Annoyance_?" Padmé demanded. "Our children are an _annoyance_ to you?"

"No, no, of course not."

_"Padmay, Padmay look," Anakin said, trying to find a way to tell her about Perfectua, his new love. "There's someone else. I, I can't see you anymore. You're fat, and ugly and just not Perfectua."_

Everyone else listened to the story in stunned disbelief. Though it wasn't long before they broke out in laughter. Anakin glared at them and held out his arm to Force-choke Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan grabbed his throat and fell onto the floor.

As soon as Anakin let him go and Obi-Wan recovered, Padmé looked to Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan?" she asked calmly. "May I borrow your lightsaber?"

"Absolutely not. Padmé he's already dead. Killing him again won't make any difference."

Padmé's sad eyes fell on Yoda, Dooku and Grievous. They all shook their heads no and Padmé stood up with angry yelps and went over to the corner where she sat down facing the wall, sulking.

_Anakin promptly turned around without waiting to see Padmay's reaction and strode off with Perfectua without a care for Padmay. Perfectua was so much prettier and hotter and better than the fat, greasy haired Padmay._

Anakin's eyes drifted over to Padmé sitting in the corner by herself. He groaned. It was all Perfectua's fault.

_Soon they arrived at Anakin's apartment._

"You have an apartment?" Obi-Wan asked.

"It's news to me," Anakin said.

_Perfectua stood in the balcony brushing her black hair that shone like the suns. Her eyes were orange for happiness. Anakin leaned against the wall, watching her lovingly. _

Anakin groaned. "I have a bad feeling about this," he told the others.

_"Every second I was thinking of you. Killing Count Dooku, taking on General Greivos. I've never been so happy as I am at this moment," he told her. "You are so beautiful!" _

Anakin felt like he was going to be sick. Obi-Wan and the others couldn't help but point and laugh.

_"It's only because I'm so in love," Perfectua told him with a large, sexy grin._

_"No, it's because I'm so in love with you," Anakin argued._

"_So love has blinded you?" Perfectua asked. _

_"Well, that's not exactly what I meant," said Anakin, gazing at the perfect hotness that was Perfectua. _

"But it's probably true!" she said as they both laughed.

"Can I please stop now?" Anakin asked, feeling extremely sick.

"No!" Obi-Wan, Yoda, Dooku and Grievous said in unison.

Anakin groaned. "But look at what it's done to Padmé!" he exclaimed, pointing over at Padmé who seemed to be murmuring to herself now.

"Let's just hope that doesn't happen to anyone else," said Obi-Wan.

"Having too much fun watching your illegal marriage die we are. Keep reading you must," Yoda ordered.

_Suddenly, they ran back into Anakin's apartment and Anakin threw Perfectua onto his bed. Eagerly, he began to pull off her clothes._

Padmé let out a strangled cry from the corner and Anakin stared at the book in horror.

Obi-Wan, Yoda, Dooku and Grievous sat with their eyes and mouths wide open in disgust.

Anakin quickly scanned through the next few paragraphs of the Sue story. "It just goes on for miles!" he said in disbelief.

"Please, spare us," Dooku pleaded. Grievous coughed and nodded his head in frantic agreement.

Obi-Wan and Yoda agreed as well. "We don't need to hear about your skills in bed, my young apprentice," said Obi-Wan.

Anakin nodded. "Thank you, Master," said Anakin, very happy to be able to skip the explicit sex scene between him and this horrid Mary Sue.

_Perfectua walked down a flight of stairs onto a large veranda. The vast city planet of Coruscant, smoldering from the battle, is spread out before her. She was distraught. She'd just had a horrible dream. Anakin descended the stairs and joined Perfectua on the veranda. She took his hand, but didn't look at him._

_"What's bothering you?" he asked. _

_"Nothing," she lied, not wanting to hurt Anakin with her dream._

Anakin snorted. "Not wanting to hurt me? Well, it's too late for that."

_"Perfectua, how long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?"_

_"It was a dream."_

_"I had a dream too, like the ones I used to have about my mother just before she died," Anakin confessed. _

"And?" Perfectua asked, sexy with concern.

_"It was about you," he told her somberly._

The crowd erupted in cheers, well all except for Yoda.

"She's going to die!" Anakin shouted in ecstasy.

Yoda shook his head. "Think so, I do not. Get around it this Sue will."

They all let out a loud sigh and Anakin continued reading.

_"Tell me," Perfectua urged._

_"It was only a dream," Anakin insisted. Perfectua gave him a long, worried look. Anakin took a deep breath. "You die in the war."_

_"It was only a dream," Perfectua insisted._

_Anakin took her in his arms. "I won't let this one become real, Perfectua," he vowed._

Anakin groaned. "Oh, yes, this is logical. I've left Padmé and now I'll do anything to save this bitch that I've only just met."

_They embraced, then parted. _

_"Anakin, me being here will change our lives. If the Jedi discover that we're together, you'll be expelled from the Jedi Order."_

_"I know," said Anakin._

_"Anakin, do you think Obi-Wan might be able to help us?" Perfectua suggested._

_"Have you told him anything?" _

_"No, but he's your mentor, your best friend …"_

_"He's been a father to me, but he's still on the Council. Don't tell him anything!" _

"And now I don't trust Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "You never did tell me about Padmé."

"_I won't, Anakin," Perfectua assured him sexily. "Come on, let's get back to your bed."_

That line was bitter sweet for Anakin. He knew where they were going and why there were going there, but it was, in fact, the end of the chapter. He grinned and handed the book to the next person: General Grievous.

Grievous looked at him in disbelief.

"It's your turn," Anakin said wickedly.

Grievous coughed and stared at the book in his mechanical hands. He gulped. There was no telling what they were in for now.


	6. Chapter 6: Perfectua's a Jedi Master

Yes, this is terribly short, I know, but I had to cut it off at this point because I want Obi-Wan to be the one to read the next chapter. I have terrible things planned for his character.

**Chapter Six: Perfectua's a Jedi Master**

_Evil, evi, EVIL! People flaming this story! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THYS STOREY! WTF IS A MARY SUE? Y DON'T I HAVE ANY GOOD REVIWS?_

"Perhaps because you cannot spell?" suggested Padmé after returning to the group. It seemed that she had nearly recovered from the ruthless attacks this Sue made on her marriage and had come back determined to make the Sue die.

Grievous coughed and glared at Padmé. "Do you mind?" he asked. "I am going to try to get this over with as quickly as possible."

_Chapter six…. Perfectua's a jedi master!_

The whole room groaned except for Grievous, who was coughing and glaring at them. He decided to keep on reading anyway, despite their rude remarks.

_Perfectua woke up in heaven the nextday. She and Annie_

"Only Padmé's allowed to call me that!" Anakin protested. He held his wife tightly, hoping to remind her that it was she that he loved and not some Mary Sue from some planet called earth. Judging by the way the first sentence had started, his methods were about to be tested.

_Had just spent their first night with complete togetherness._

"Complete togetherness?" Padmé growled.

Anakin smiled down at her. "Just remember," he said. "Every time she mentions me and her together, I just think about me and you."

Padmé smiled. That seemed to have done the trick.

Obi-Wan and the others groaned, except for Grievous, who coughed. "We were getting so happy to see you two fighting," Obi-Wan explained.

_To her disapointmnt, Annie was NOT still in bed with her._

Anakin let out a sigh of relief.

_Perfectua frowned and got out of bed, still remembering his amazng skills,_

Obi-Wan, Yoda, Dooku & Grievous were horrified. Anakin glared at them.

_Incredibly hot body & perfect perfectness. The hot sexy young girl pulled on some hawt jedi robes over her hawt body & left the room. She had been summoned by the jedi council. No doubt they were going to make her a jedi master. Why wouldn't they?_

"Maybe because you just showed up in the galaxy & are way not Jedi material," Anakin said angrily.

Obi-Wan smiled at the apprentice. "Just because you were never named a Jedi Master doesn't mean you have to hate us," he said. Anakin stuck his tongue out at him.

_Perfectua walked into the council room thingy with confidance because she was soooo hot and sexy and kindand perfect and beautifuyl and she was being made a jedi master!_

Padmé rolled her eyes and started hitting herself on the forehead. Anakin grabbed her hand and stopped her from doing it anymore. She glared at him. "Every time you hit yourself on the forehead, you loose brain cells," he explained. Padmé groaned and tried to pull her hand free.

_Every single member of the jedi council was staring at her perfectness & was trasnfixed by her beautifulness, even the girls because they were jealous._

"Incredibly so!" Padmé shouted sarcastically, still trying to free her hand.

_Mace windu was sitting in front of her and she glared at him. He was always so mean to Anakin! That nogood meany!_

"Tell him you said that I will," Yoda said, apparently he was driven insane and was now talking to a book.

_"Greetings PERFECTUA!" said macey._

"Macey?" asked everyone in the room in confusion.

Obi-Wan groaned. "She's started giving out nicknames."

_"Hullo Perfectua!" said Obi who was sitting in the room too._

Obi-Wan buried his head in his hands. Only Jar Jar Binks had ever called him that before and he had wanted to strangle the poor Gungan for it.

_Perfectua smiled and shot Obi a hot grin. Then she looked at the meany Macey and glared at him sexily. Macey was stupid and didn't get that she was glaring at him. Macey smiled back and said, "Obi's told us that you are a very skilled jedi and even though you just appeared in our world, we're going to make you a jedi master!"_

Anakin snorted. "Yeah, you'll give the title to the most annoying bitch in the galaxy, but not to the Chosen One, who, by the way, is going to help the Sith murder you in his anger!"

Everyone turned to stare at him and Grievous dropped the book.

"What?" Anakin asked cluelessly.

_"YAYA!" Perfectua exclaimed. "Thank you so much, Macey!" Perhaps he wasn't that bad after all. Oh how she couldn't wait to tell Anakin and her was being jedi masterness!_

_Suddenly Annie walked into the room, smiling sexily at Perfectua as he did so. Obi glared at him like a mean parent._

Anakin and Obi-Wan both groaned.

"Not again!" shouted Anakin.

"I am not a mean parent!" shouted Obi-Wan.

_Macey glared at Annie with Obi, both of them looking like extremely mean parents._

Obi-Wan crossed his arms, sulking.

_"Master Windu," said Annie. "Chancellor Palpatine wants me to be a jedi master on this council."_

_"Absolutely not!" shouted mean Macey._

_"But Chancellor said you have to," Annie whined like a babay._

"I DO NOT WHINE LIKE A BABY!" Anakin yelled in a whiny voice. "Why do people keep telling me that?"

_Macey was about to shout at Annie again when Yody stepped in._

Everyone but Yoda erupted in laughter. "Stop that you will!" shouted the Jedi Master irritably. "Yody my name is not! Yoda I am!"

_"allow this appointment lightly we do not," said Yody._

_Macey growled, forced to agree with Yody. "You are on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of master!"_

_"What?" Annie whined. Perfectua sighed. He was even sexy when he was whiny._

"Now you know why every girl in the galaxy is attracted to you," Padmé said sarcastically. "You are sexy even when you whine.

_"How can you be on the council and not be a master?" annie demanded._

_"Take a seat, young skywalker!" said meany macey._

_"We have received information that general greivos in is the Utapau system," said Ki-Ady._

_"The chancellor says you have to make me lead the attack," said Annie._

_Meany Macey glared at Annie. "No! You are not good enough you stupid boy!"_

"You know he really did say that to me once," Anakin said seriously.

_"Master Obi and Master Perfectua should go," said ki Ady._

"NO!" shouted Obi-Wan and Grievous at the same time.

_Perfectua was happy and sad at the same time. She was getting to spend more time with Obi_

Obi-Wan looked like he was going to be sick.

_But she would have to leave Annie._

Anakin couldn't have been happier.

_All the jedi peoples agreed and it was all set. Obi and Perfectua were going to Utapau together._

"End of the chapter!" Grievos coughed in excitement, passing the book to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan regarded the book with frightened eyes. Seeing this, Yoda promptly said, "Careful Master Obi-Wan. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

"Suffering for the Mary Sue, if all goes well," said Obi-Wan darkly.


	7. Chapter 7: Die General Grievous

**Chapter Seven: Die General Grievous!**

Before any words could even come out of Obi-Wan's mouth, the door to Padmé's apartment slid open with a hissing sound again and the vastly unfortunate group of people stuck in the apartment all turned around to see who was stupid enough to condemn themselves to a certain re-death by Mary Sue. They had all given up on screaming to keep the doors open.

Darth Sidious, former Sith Lord, Supreme Chancellor and Galactic Emperor, stood in the doorway looking terribly confused as to why Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padmé, Yoda, Dooku and Grievous were sitting around Padmé's apartment with a strange book.

"You mind as well sit down," said Obi-Wan, looking to get his second chapter of the story over with. "You're not leaving any time soon."

"What?" Sidious demanded. "What are you doing in here?"

"Stuck the door is," said Yoda. "Reading a terrible novel we are."

"Terrible novel?" Sidious said in confusion.

"It's a Mary Sue, master," ventured Dooku.

"Mary Sue?"

"Perfect, beautiful, smart, Jedi, perfect original character," Dooku explained.

"Sounds just like the kind of person I'd want to convert to the Dark Side," said Sidious with a grin.

"Perhaps," said Yoda. "But turn she would not."

"Why not?" Sidious growled.

"Falling considered going to the Dark Side is," Yoda answered. "Too perfect to fall a Sue is."

"You seem to know an awful lot about these horrid creatures," Sidious observed, glaring at the venerable Jedi Master.

"Suffered through many of these stories have I," Yoda explained. "Trying to learn her wicked ways I am."

Sidious tried to suppress a giggle.

"Very surprising it is, I know," said Yoda in his own defense. "But a great deal of time you have, when dead in the netherworld you are."

"Master?" asked Obi-Wan. "If you know so much about Mary Sue, perhaps you could predict what she has in store for me."

"Hmmm," said Yoda, rubbing his chin. "Called you attractive, has she?"

Obi-Wan nodded, slowly realizing the horror of what Yoda was about to say. "Yes, Master."

After another moment of thought, Yoda said, "Fall to her seductive ways you will, Master Obi-Wan, just like young Skywalker."

Anakin and the others erupted in mocking, maniacal laughing after hearing Yoda's prediction. Obi-Wan glared at them. "Shut up!" he shouted. "Anakin succumbed to her first!"

Anakin glared at him. "You shut up, Master!"

Sidious silenced them. "Is it _that_ kind of story you're reading? If it is, I want out."

They all nodded slowly. Only Obi-Wan dared tell the Sith Lord that escape was impossible. "You're stuck here, My Lord," he said boldly. "The door's stuck and nobody can get out."

Sidious proceeded to walk over to the door and use several methods to try to get out. First, he pressed the button. Second, he tried the Force. After his lightsaber failed, he tried to pry it open with his bare hands. Needless to say, the door remained stubbornly stuck. "You appear to be correct," he admitted, coming back over to the group and sitting down.

_STOP FLAMING YOU BIOTCHES! WTF IS A MARY SUE? PERFECTUA IS NOT PERFECT! WTF DO YOU MEAN HER NAME IS STUPID?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!_

"Again," said Anakin. "I can't imagine why."

"Are you sure we can't get out?" Sidious moaned.

"Quite sure," said Padmé.

_Chapter Seven: Die General Grevps!_

Grievous coughed. "She butchered my name so badly, I barely even recognize it," he observed sadly.

Dooku nodded. "Fortunately, I'm dead."

"It looks like I will be by the end of this chapter," Grievous answered.

Obi-Wan glared at them. "I _was_ dead, you know," he said bitterly. "Apparently, she brought me back as a sex object. Now, shut your mouths and let me continue."

_So the hot, sexy, perfect Jedi mastur girl Perfectua Bellenina was with her hot, sexy, perfect Jedi notmastur Annie Skywalker on the landing platform._

"Three compliments and then one insult," Anakin said sadly. "She's horribly cruel."

Dooku shook his head. "Cruelty would make her less perfect," he said.

Obi-Wan glared at them and continued reading.

_Annie leaned forward and planted a big, wet kiss on Perfectua's perfect lips._

Sniggers erupted from everyone but Anakin and Obi-Wan.

"Shut up!" Anakin growled.

"Aye!" shouted Obi-Wan. "Shut up so I can finish reading!"

_Perfectua giggled and blushed. Her Annie was just so darn hot!_

Padmé dug her nails into Anakin's arm. "Ouch!" Anakin exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"I wonder," Padmé growled.

_"I love you," Annie purred. "Be careful, my love. I couldn't bear to be without you."_

Everyone but Padmé and Anakin were rolling on the floor laughing out loud. Padmé glared at Anakin and Anakin tried desperately to stop their laughter, but failed miserably.

_Perfectua swooned. Her annie was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_

"WE GET THE IDEA!" Anakin shouted angrily. "She's either going to say that I'm so hot, sexy or cute when I'm evil."

Obi-Wan glared at him. "She goes on for the whole page with the word 'so'."

"Just skip it," Anakin growled. He wasn't very happy with the story, to say the least.

_Incredibly hot, sexy & cute when he was evill. She smiled and kissed annie softly. "Don't worry," she said hawtly. "I'm going to be just fine. I'm too perfect to get killed by general grivas."_

Grievous coughed loudly in indignation. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Padmé was ready to claw this Sue's eyes out. "She's so modest!" she growled sarcastically. "Humph! She never ceases to surprise me!"

_Annie smiled and kissed her again. Then obi came up behind them and pushed annie away from Perfectua like a mean old whiny grumpy parent._

"I AM NOT A MEAN, OLD, WHINY, GRUMPY PARENT!" Obi-Wan screamed loudly and everyone stared at him like he was insane. Obi-Wan cleared his throat said, "Sorry," and continued reading.

_Perfectua turned around and glared at obi who blushed like a tomato at her beautiful, sexxi glance._

Obi-Wan buried his head in his hands. "Oh, Master Yoda was right!" he moaned.

"Don't worry," said Dooku. "It will only get worse."

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Somehow, that's not at all comforting," he growled.

_"ummm…." Obi stuttered. "come on Perfectua. We should get going to go and kill general grivus."_

"Grivus?" Grievous exclaimed angrily. "She seems to be getting worse."

_Perfectua shot annie a last wistful look before foolowing obi over to the big ship thing. "im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_

"I think I'll just skip the rest of the page of the 'o's," said Obi-Wan. Everyone nodded in agreement.

_Excited to be going to kill grives general with you!" she exclaimed to obi who smiled hawtly at her sexxxiness._

Sidious groaned. "I can see why you've all been driven insane."

"We're not insane," said Anakin. "Just very… tormented."

"I see."

_The two jedis boarded the ship with sexi smiles on their faces. Perfectua grinned because each and every one of the clones were staring, transfixed by her beauty._

"If she uses that line one more time," Padmé growled. "I swear, I'm going to kill someone."

_Obi glared at the clones like a mean old grumpy parent._

"Thought I never get tired of that one," she added. Obi-Wan glared at her and went on reading.

_"stop staring CODIE!" obi shouted like a mean old grumpy parent._

"Codie," said Obi-Wan, ignoring the fact that he had been called a mean, old, grumpy parent again, "that's a new way of spelling his name."

"She's reinvented all of our names," Padmé pointed out. "That's nothing new."

"True, true," Obi-Wan agreed.

"Just finish up with the chapter," Anakin groaned. "The sooner we're done with it the better."

_So then the hawt jedis and the clones that were still staring at Perfectua took off and went to Utapau to go kill general grevas. They were there in no time & then obi was tell codie about their plan that he and Perfectua were going to go and scout out the planet first._

_So the jedis took off in their hawt little starfighters and landed on utapau. Perfectua and obi went and talked to the leader guy that had stripes down his face and looked like a vampire._

"Funny," said Obi-Wan. "I thought the same thing about that guy."

"You know what they say," Anakin teased. "You two must be perfect for each other."

"Uh, I don't think so," said Obi-Wan quickly.

_"tenth level," hissed the vampire guy. "thousands of battle droids."_

_"don't worry, dude!" Perfectua promised. "We're here to free your guys!"_

_the vampire dude stared at Perfectua, entranced by her hawtness_

"Number one," Padmé growled, "that's gross. Number two, you guys are all lucky that she used a synonymous phrase and not the one I hate."

_Obi stepped between perfectua and the scary, pervert vampire like a protective parent. "If you have warriors, now is the time," he announced and steered Perfectua back to the ships._

"I would never protect that monster!" Obi-Wan shouted before continuing on with the horrid story.

_They told the droids to take the fighters back to the ships and then they each hitched a ride on one of those dragon lizard things that obi rides on at the battle of utapau._

"Boga!" Obi-Wan shouted. "It's name was Boga!" Everyone looked at him like he was insane. Acting like nothing had happened, Obi-Wan continued on with the story.

_And then Perfectua & her hawt jedi companion obi found and destroyed general girvy_

"General Girvy?" Grievous exclaimed. "That's the worst one yet!"

Sidious glared at him. "Haven't you figured out that that's what she does by now?"

"Are you calling me stupid?" Grievous asked dangerously.

"I think perhaps I should keep reading," said Obi-Wan.

_Even though he sent the hole droid army against them and the clones that arrived late. General; Girvay was really very, very stupid._

"It's like she can read minds!" Grievous exclaimed.

"No," Padmé said calmly. "You're giving her too much credit. She's too dumb to read minds."

_But the action wasn't over for jediii mastur obi_

Obi-Wan paused in horrified realization at what the hideous author had planned for him and the Sue. Frantically he closed the book and exclaimed, "That's all for that chapter. Who'd like to read next?"

Suspiciously, Padmé took the book from Obi-Wan and opened to the place where he had stopped. She grinned. "That's not the end," she handed it back to him. "Nice try, but keep reading."

Grudgingly, Obi-Wan took the book from Padmé and resumed reading:

_In the midst of the battle of utapau, obi grabbed his Perfectua and searched for a quiet room in one of the lower levels of the city._

"Force, please spare me!" Obi-Wan moaned as snickers erupted from the crowd.

_"Obi?" Perfectua grinned hawtly and cutely as obi pushed her into a room and locked the door behind him._

_"ever since I first saw you in that hanger, I knew that I loved you, Perfectua," said obi as he came closer to her and draped his arms around her slender, hot form._

Obi-Wan looked ready to vomit as he continued reading.

_Perfectua giggled softly. "Aww, obi," she cooed. "I love you too!"_

Anakin erupted into maniacal laughter and started pointing his fingers at Obi-Wan. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed. "It's your turn now!"

_Obi grinned hawtly and planted a humungous wet passionate kiss on Perfectua's lips as he began to tear off her clothes…_

"STOP!" everyone in the room shouted at Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief as he scanned the rest of the chapter. "Thank the Force you're not going to force me to read it," he said with a pale face.

"Well," said Padmé, "We all want to get out of this alive, don't we? If we had to listen to that we may have resorted to killing each other.

Obi-Wan looked puzzled. "But we're already dead…"

"What's your point?" Anakin snapped.

"Nevermind," Obi-Wan said quickly. "Anyway, that's the end of the chapter." He passed the book to Sidious. "You're the only one that hasn't read yet."

Sidious's face went even paler than it already was. Reluctantly, he took the book and fingered it uneasily. "Are you sure?"

"YES!" came the unanimous reply.


	8. Chapter 8: The Dart Slide

Eight reviews! Keep 'em coming.

Ember Koramin: Haha. But if they stopped reading, I wouldn't have a story.

Tymaporer: That is actually a really good idea. I might just use that one. Thanks.

Obi's Second Cousin: Lol. Perfectua seems to have that effect on people.

Frodogenic: That's good to hear.

Nuclear Chick: Mary Sue. Yup, the whole point of this study is to discourage her.

Yun-Harla: Lol.

Jessie Jaina: Haha. I might just do that.

Cutelilteen: Thanks. Perfectua shall be punished in time. Don't you worry.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: The Dart Slide**

"Oh, just get reading already!"

Anakin was quickly losing patience with his former Sith Master. Never mind the fact that he was actually fighting for the reading of the Sue fic. The Jedi simply wanted to see Obi-Wan's character and that monster together. Maybe then he and Padmé could still get married.

Not likely.

Obi-Wan, on the other hand, glared at Anakin. Stupid boy. How could he be so cruel as to force Perfectua's perfectness on so many unsuspecting victims? Oh well, he sighed. That must have come from the Dark Side.

Sidious whined very uncharacteristically, "Do I really have to?"

"YES!" shouted everyone but Obi-Wan. With the exception of Yoda, they had all had their characters brutally mutilated and out of character, all falling victim the Sue's evil ways. Obi-Wan supposed they had gotten a little vengeful and were glad to see him fall victim to the Sue also.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, Palpatine," he said softly. "You don't have to continue reading if you don't want to."

Anakin glared at him. "Yes, he does."

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes, he does."

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes-,"

"SHUT UP!"

The speaker was a very angry Padmé. "Arguing isn't going to get us through this Sue fic any easier. Now, Chancellor, err… I mean Lord Sidious, please continue."

Sidious mumbled something inaudible under his breath, picked up the book and started reading.

_Perfectua Bellenina, the upper hot sexxi pertfect jedi mastur had now slept with both annie and obi._

Anakin winced.

"Please don't remind us," Obi-Wan groaned.

_The supur hott jedi beaUTY and her new lovurrr ob1_

"Was my name just spelled as 'O B 1'?" asked Obi-Wan, finally get used to the terrible spelling skills of the Suethor. Sidious nodded and Obi-Wan sighed. "At least its not as bad as 'grivps'."

"Hey!" shouted Grievous in indignation. The he paused and coughed, "Wait, you're right."

_Were currently riding on the said acklay dragon lizard thing._

"For Force's sake," Obi-Wan moaned. "I take countless insults to me, but please not Boga. The ackalay was the arachnid I killed in the Geonosian execution arena."

"Shut up!" said Anakin. "Now, please, My Lord, please continue butchering Obi-Wan's character."

"It's not me! It's anankinsrealluvur" mumbled Sidious before he continued reading.

_They had juts stoped to takl to CODIE, the clone guy thing and ob1 got his lightsaber bacck. Then the hot jedi par rode up on a ledge on the reek monster._

"Boga!" Obi-Wan corrected her once again.

_But then suddenie a huge blas rom oone of the clone CODIE guns shot up at the jeds!!!!!!!_

"In the name of the Force! She has such bad grammar and spelling skills that I can barely read this!" Sidious exclaimed.

"We've all suffered through it," said Padme.

"Keep going," said Anakin.

Sidious groaned but obeyed anyway.

_Perfectua cried out in fer as she and ob1 fell down down dwon down down down xodnw down down into the crater like thingy. The creepy monster thing6y died but perfectua didn't care. It was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too smelly for her style._

_Perfectua grabed onto ob1 and held him tighhht as they fell and pluned into the freeeezing cold watur._

Obi-Wan cringed at the thought of being held on to by someone that foul.

_BUT LUCKLYYY both the hot jedds had their super cool bearthing devices and didn't drown!!!_

"Pity," Obi-Wan muttered. The others nodded in agreement.

_"quick!" Perfectua shouted once they mad it to the surfice. "ob1! We have to get back to Coruscant because annie in danger!"_

Anakin snorted. "How does _she_ know that?"

"She knows everything," Padmé groaned. "Have you forgotten?"

_ob1 nodded eagerly. "youre riiight! We have to sav im!"_

_so the two jeds matures ran back up the pper levels and caught a shiup back to coruyscant to sabe annie._

Before anyone could comment on the Suethor's horrible spelling and writing skills, the door to Padmé's apartment slid open with a soft hiss. Sidious, being the newcomer to the group, hastily jumped up in hopes of escaping. Unfortunately, the door closed behind the entrants before he could make it off the couch.

In the doorway with very, very confused expressions on their faces were Jedi Masters Mace Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn. Windu spoke first.

"What in the name of the Force is going on here?" he shouted. "We've been looking all over for Master Yoda and here we find you people sitting here with a… what is that?"

"It's called a book, Master," said Anakin.

Mace glared at him. "Did I say you could talk?" he snapped.

Anakin shrunk back. Ever since Anakin had helped cause his death, the Jedi Master had been extremely mean to him. Anakin couldn't understand why.

"It's called a book, Master," said Obi-Wan.

"Oh," said Mace. "Okay."

Anakin glared at Obi-Wan. "I just said the same thing and he was ready to impale me with his lightsaber!"

"Patience, Anakin, patience," said Qui-Gon, going over to sit next to Obi-Wan. "So tell me, Obi-Wan, why are you sitting here with this 'book'?"

"The door is stuck," Obi-Wan explained. "No one can leave."

"What?" Windu demanded. "You mean I'm stuck in here with _them_?" he asked, glaring at Anakin and Palpatine.

"I'm afraid so, Master Jedi," said Padmé. Windu let out a desperate sigh of despair and went silent.

Qui-Gon, eyeing Windu curiously, decided to try and find out what was going on. "So what does this… book… do?"

Everyone but Mace and Qui-Gon shivered at the thought of the horrible Sue. Finally, Obi-Wan found the courage to explain. "Normally, a book tells a story. In this case, it's an instrument of cruel and unusual punishment."

"How so?" Qui-Gon asked, stroking his beard.

"In the beginning, Obi-Wan, Anakin and I made a deal to read this book for entertainment, Master Jedi," Padmé continued. "That was before we knew that it held a terrible tale of Perfectua's perfectness."

"Perfectua's perfectness?"

"A Mary Sue she is," said Yoda. "Perfect in everything she does."

"So far, she's become a Jedi Master, stolen Anakin from me and cheated on him with Obi-Wan," Padmé said bluntly.

Qui-Gon was stunned into shock.

"So," Anakin said abruptly, turning to Palpatine. "Continue reading." Palpatine glared at him and muttered a few inaudible curses before resuming with his reading.

MEANWGILE…. ANNIE WAS MEETING WIT THE DART LORK SIDIS!!!!!! 

Qui-Gon, having recovered from his initial shock, sniggered. "Annie? Sidis? Dart Lork?"

Anakin and Sidious glared at him. "Too bad you're already dead by this time," he sneered.

Obi-Wan laughed. "You forget how she killed me and then brought me back to life!" Qui-Gon raised a quizzical eyebrow.

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to explain, but Anakin stopped him. "Keep reading, Chancellor."

"_come to the dart slide," temted sides._

"The Dart Slide?" laughed Qui-Gon along with everyone but Anakin and Sidious.

"_NOOOOOOO!" shouted annie. "Idont give a shit about padmay!! I don't care if she dies!!! As long as I have Perfectua "_

"Obi-Wan?" Padmé asked angrily.

"No, Padmé, you cannot have my lightsaber."

"_io don't care!" whined sides. "you are going to come to the dart slide or else."_

"_NO!" annie said stubbornly, steadfast in his love for perfectua._

"Please," Padmé pleaded.

"No," Obi-Wan said sternly.

_SUDDENLY MEANY MACEY BURST INTO THE ROOM WITH THREE ALEN JEDDDISS MUCH HOTTER THAN HIM!!!!!!!!!!!_

Mace Windu snapped back to attention and glared at the book. "What did you just say?" he demanded furiously.

"Oh, yeah," Anakin grinned. "She calls you Meany Macey. Too bad you weren't here last chapter…"

"SHUT UP!" Mace boomed, drawing his lightsaber on Anakin.

"Master Windu," said Yoda. "Away you put that lightsaber. Already dead is he."

Windu, pouting, put away his lightsaber, crossed his arms over his chest and sat down with a whimper.

_But sides and annie killed them all very, very quickly._

"Ha!" Anakin shouted at Mace, but Mace didn't seem to hear and Anakin quickly lost interest.

_BUT THEN ANNIE QUICKLY TURNED AND KILLED SIDIS!!!!_

"WHAT?" Sidious demanded, glaring at the book in his lap. "I'm _dead_?"

"Your lucky," Obi-Wan muttered.

"Now you can join our club!" Dooku said happily.

"What's it called? The Dart Slide?" asked Qui-Gon. Everyone stared at him. "What?" he demanded. "It's funny."

"Anyway," said Grievous. "We have cookies!"

Sidious' face lit up and he dropped the book, ran over to Dooku and Grievous for his cookies.

"Hey!" shouted Qui-Gon. "You aren't done reading yet."

"What?" Sidious asked. "Oh, it's the end of the chapter."

Grinning, Obi-Wan picked up the book and handed it to Qui-Gon. "It's your turn."

Qui-Gon's smile quickly faded as he took the book from Obi-Wan.


	9. Chapter 9: Anakin vs ObiWan

Five reviews! 

MoonlitPuddle: Thanks. And I will certainly try to keep those "scenes" under control.

Jessie Jaina: Thanks. I'll see what I can do for Perfectua's death.

Mark Solo: Thanks

Savaga: Oh yes, she'll mention Qui-Gon all right. Thanks.

Wuff: Your English is pretty good, actually. Thanks for the review. It makes me feel good to know my Mary Sue bashing is appreciated.

Finally, thanks to **Tymaporer** for one of the ideas for this chapter.

**Chapter Nine: Anakin Versus Obi-Wan**

"This book is an agent of the Dart Slide!" declared Qui-Gon Jinn, staring with fear at the book in his lap.

His former apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi shot him an evil smile. "There'll be no escaping this time, Master," he said.

"Besides, you have nothing to worry about. You've been dead for ages," added Padmé.

Obi-Wan burst into peels of laughter. "Why does everyone always forget what she did to me?" he demanded.

Padmé shrugged. "I don't know," she said calmly.

"What are you talking about, Obi-Wan?" asked Qui-Gon, holding the book out in front of him like it was going to bite.

When Obi-Wan didn't answer, Anakin said, "He means that you'll be mindlessly thrown in and have your character trashed and mutilated just like the rest of us."

"I told you!" shouted Qui-Gon. "This book is an agent of the Dart Slide!"

"Be quiet over there!" shouted Dooku from the corner. "We members of the Perfectua Killed Us Off and Now We're Eating Cookies Club, or PKUONWECC, are busy trying to eat our cookies in peace."

"Sorry if we disturbed you," scowled Padmé, "But we have _real_ problems to deal with."

"What is that supposed to mean?" demanded Grievous. "Do you know how hard it is to eat a cookie when you're nothing but a mechanical cyborg thing?"

"No," Padmé said slowly, "But do you know how hard it is to read this book?"

"Yes," answered all three members of PKUONWECC.

"Then don't make it any harder!" she yelled, turning back to Anakin, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Yoda. "Now open the menace and read," she ordered Qui-Gon. "The sooner we get done this monstrosity the better."

Qui-Gon whimpered and obeyed.

"_Perfectua has come bac!" annie declare lovingy qand rushed to meet her!!_

"Perhaps you shouldn't read," suggested Anakin, eyeing Padmé nervously.

"Nonsense!" said Obi-Wan, who didn't seem to have recovered from the horror of sleeping with Perfectua yet. "Keep reading! We're all going to die anyway!"

"We're already dead," pointed out Qui-Gon.

"Keep reading!" shouted Obi-Wan.

"Shut up!" shouted PKUONWECC.

_But before annie coud go to Perfectua on th elanding thing,,, he ran into somon he did not espec!!!!_

Yoda nudged Qui-Gon. "You that is."

"I tell you it's impossible!"

"Do not underestimate the Mary Sue," warned Obi-Wan.

_It was wui gon jinn!!!_

Qui-Gon dropped the book in astonishment. Obi-Wan and Anakin burst into laughter and started pointing at him, saying, "Wui-Gon! Wui-Gon!" Even Yoda joined in the laughter. However, PKUONWECC was not pleased.

"How many times do we have to tell you?" groaned Mace.

Padmé, recovering from laughing, said, "They're right. Keep reading Wui, I mean, Qui-Gon."

_Annie looked at the old ghost uy stangley. "what do you want?" he demanded.. "this stupid guy couldn't even stay alive longe enougn to sdtain hin!! He had to go and get killed by dart maul!!_

"Well sorry!" shouted Qui-Gon at Anakin. "Next time I'll try to restrain my overwhelming urge to have a lightsaber stuck through my heart!"

"_Perfectua's prgnenat!!" shouted wui gonns._

"WHAT?" asked Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Anakin, Padmé, and Yoda.

"_Wha!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" asled anie!! He was very distraught now he was gonna have to kiddies!! One wit padmay and one wiut the much hottay Perfectua._

"Obi-Wan?"

"No, Padmé! I am not giving you my lightsaber!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"_bt chyour not the fadder," said wui gonny._

"Oh no!" moaned Obi-Wan in despair and revelation.

"Ha!" shouted Anakin and his former Jedi Master. "Take that!"

_the wh0 9s?" asked annie in confusin._

"_ob1 hahahahah!" shouted qui gonns._

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" annie screamrd in despair and stabbed wui gonns wit his lighsaberr. The gost disappeared and went awa._

"That's it!" said Qui-Gon standing up and setting the book down. "She killed me. I'm going to join PKUONWECC."

"No you're not!" Obi-Wan protested, grabbing onto Qui-Gon's sleeve.

"Let go of me!" shouted Qui-Gon.

"But you can't leave," said Anakin. "You haven't finished the chapter yet."

"I don't care!"

With Anakin's help, Obi-Wan managed to pull Qui-Gon back onto the couch. "You're going to finish your chapter and you're going to like it!" Padmé shouted angrily.

"Fine," Qui-Gon pouted. "But you all have to shut up so I can finished quickly." He paged through the book. "Oh dear," he muttered, "This chapter looks longer than the others!"

_and be4 he could find Perfectua or ob1, annie went and ran for his seuper sexxxiii jedi fighter and flew off to the suiper hot (hehe not that way) planet musta!!!!_

Padmé groaned. "One, she's not funny."

"Two," Obi-Wan finished, "It's called Mustafar not Musta! After she killed Boga with false names, I can't stand them anymore." Anakin snickered. "What?" Obi-Wan demanded.

"You seem rather… fond… of that creature," Anakin chuckled.

"What are you implying?" Obi-Wan snapped.

"Be quiet!" snarled Qui-Gon. "You are not going to delay my departure any longer!"

_meanwgile!!! Perfectua and ob1 arrived on Coruscant and searched for annie! But all they found was yody!_

Yoda shook his head sadly. "If lucky I am, kill me she will."

"_where's annie???????????" Perfectua demanded, very very very very very concerned for her jeddd lurver. Ob1 glared at her jealouslie because she didn realy lurv him._

"_you are not allowed tosee him!" shouted yody angrily. "your going against the frikicin code!"_

They turned to stare at Yoda in surprise. "Did you really ever say that anyone?" asked Anakin, holding back sniggers.

Yoda shook his head. "I did not. Know you should that Mary Sues distort things."

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" SHOUTED PERFECTUA ANGRILY AND SHE STABBED YODY AND KILLED HIM._

A small smile spread across Yoda's wrinkled face. "Join PKUONWECC I can," he said and hobbled over to PKUONWECC where he was greeted with cookies.

Qui-Gon glared at him enviously and continued reading.

"_I know where annie is!" shouted Perfectua._

"_Really?" asked ob1, amzed by her knwlege._

"_YES!" she declared. "He is on Musta!"_

"Mustafar," Obi-Wan said under his breath.

"I know you had something going on with that dragon lizard!" Anakin shouted at him.

"Shut up!" yelled Qui-Gon.

_So Perfectua and ob1 flrw off to the fier planet Musta to find annie. But then they got there, things weren't like they espected!!!_

"_I KNOW YOUR PERGNANT!!!!!" sjouted annie angreily. Perfectua looked away, she'd known she was pehnant since the moment she amd ob1 lruved each toher._

Obi-Wan groaned and closed his eyes, trying to get through that passage with his sanity.

"_WHA??????" asled ob1 in confusin._

"_DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WERE TALKING BOUT!" annie growled jealously. "U SLEP WIT MY PERFECTUA!"_

"Obi-Wan?"

"No, Padmé!"

"_SHE IS NOT YOUR PERFECTUA!" growled ob1. "SHE IS MINE AND I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR IT!"_

"_I WILL KILL YOU IN THE NAME OF PERFECTUA!" declared Annoie._

The real Anakin looked like he was about to be sick, as did the real Obi-Wan. Padmé watched with a jealous glare and Qui-Gon was too busy reading to notice any of it.

_Perfectua watched in horror, stunned by the fac that 2 incrdbly hot jediis were fighting over her. Ob1 and annie took of their cloaks and began to fight with der lightsabers for Perfectua's love._

"Wow."

"You guys have sunk to an all time low," Qui-Gon declared, apparently too stunned to continue reading.

"That's ridiculous," cried Anakin, upset to the point of tears. "Everyone in the galaxy knows that I would do anything for Padmé. I hate this book. I hate it all!"

Padmé wrapped her arms around him comfortingly. "It's okay, Annie," she said soothingly.

Obi-Wan was too stunned and disturbed to do anything. He simply sat there with his mouth wide open, staring at the book in shock.

_And they ept fighitn and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting until Perfectua herself stepped in._

"_STOP" she shouted at them both, tears in her eyes. "STOP FIGHTING OVER ME. I LOVE YOU BOTH!_

"_awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," said annie and ob1 together. "oka we stop fightin"_

"Oh my," said Padmé. "There was nothing wrong with _that_."

"Stop talking!" shouted Qui-Gon. "We're almost done!"

_so the three sup hot jeds went back to corscant together and basically what happen after that is annie set up empire where he rules as emperor. Perfectua became his queen. Ob1 marry padmay_

"WHAT?" Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padmé all asked in dismay.

Qui-Gon smiled. "Apparently, Obi-Wan married Padmé."

That comment caused an explosion of anger from Anakin and he leapt across the couch at his former Jedi Master. When Qui-Gon and Padmé finally managed to separate them, Both Anakin and Obi-Wan had several large scratches and bruises on their faces. Padmé glared at them.

"Right now, I don't want to marry either of you," she informed them. "Honestly, you're acting like children!"

"He started it," Obi-Wan muttered, pointing at Anakin.

"No!" Anakin said in indignation. "It was all Qui-Gon's fault." Qui-Gon simply ignored him and continued reading.

_Luke skywalker and leia organa became luke Kenobi and leia Kenobi. Perfectua's baby was Mornariel Skywalker and she was just as beautiful and perfect as her mother._

"Oh no," whispered Padmé in horror. "Now there's two of them."

_And next chapter we'll styart off at the begin of episode IV!!!_

"Ha!" shouted Qui-Gon, shoving the book at Obi-Wan. "I'm done!" he practically jumped off he couch and ran to PKUONWECC where he was welcomed with cookies.

Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padmé looked at each other. "It's just us now," said Obi-Wan. "Back to the way we started."

"Don't remind me," Padmé groaned.

Anakin was about to say something when the doors to the apartment opened once again and three new faces stood in the doorway where they looked as confused as everyone else.


	10. Chapter 10: A New Hope

Fourteen reviews? Wow. I really an impressed. 

Tymaporer: Yup. Luke, Han and Leia. And Padmé's line was supposed to remind you of that. Glad it worked. And poor Qui-Gon and that urge to get a lightsaber through his heart. He really should get that checked out.

Ekiushi: Uh huh. The Dart Slide. Thanks for reviewing.

TraitorTatara: I'm not entirely sure. But it definitely was something with Boga.

WWMTgirl: Right you are.

Jessie Jaina: Glad you love it. And Mornariel is actually a Sindarin name (Elvish from LOTR). It means 'Lady Crowned with Black'.

Werelemur: Lol. I'm glad.

Frodogenic: Yup. Another one. There are a few.

Cutelilteen: Haha. Yup. Two there are.

Mark Solo: Glad you like it.

Obi's Second Cousin: Haha. Perfectua… even the name's evil.

DieMarySueius: Yup. And here's another one.

Caleb Anderson: Sorry! Then I'd have no more story.

Anime-StarWars-fan-Zach: Thanks. This soon enough?

SithMaster2019: Lol. Maybe I will bring Yoda back. It's just the kind of irrational thing that would happen in a Mary Sue fic.

Rimera: Glad to hear it! Lol. Thanks for the review.

* * *

**Chapter Ten: A New Hope**

"So this… this book… what does it do?" inquired Luke Skywalker, son of Anakin and Padmé. The Jedi had recently entered the room with his twin sister Leia and her husband Han. The trio had become quite suspicious when they noticed that most of their friends and family had disappeared. Since their strange arrival, they had established two things. One, that the door was stuck and could not be opened. Two, that the 'book' was a tool of great evil. Luke wasn't exactly sure why.

The only fools left reading the horrid tale of Mary Suedom were Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padmé. Every other unfortunate fellow that stepped into the room had been killed off by the Suethoress and joined PKUONWECC, or the Perfectua Killed Us Of so Now We're Eating Cookies Club. "The book, vile and terrible as it is, tells a story," Obi-Wan tried to explain for what seemed like the millionth time.

"A story, huh?" asked Han, a little confused. "What kind of story?"

"And why," asked Leia, gazing over at PKUONWECC, "are they rolling around in cookie crumbs and laughing at us?"

"Because this story is cursed," whispered Anakin. "It is a tale of a Mary Sue. I have to admit, I liked her constant references to my sexiness at first, but then it just got wrong. Especially when she started bashing Padmé, spelling everything wrong and getting pregnant with Obi-Wan's child."

Luke stared wide-eyed at Obi-Wan. "I always wondered what you did in that little old shack all those years," he whispered in awestruck terror.

"No!" shouted Obi-Wan, appalled. "I never, ever got _anyone_ pregnant, let alone this Mary Sue."

"Ah," said Luke, "So her name was Mary Sue."

"No!" Obi-Wan shouted again. "She was _a_ Mary Sue, and she is in this story. Not a real person. By the Force, that's too terrible to imagine, her being real and all."

"What is a Mary Sue?" wondered Leia. "Must be something spawned by the Dark Side to get all of you all riled up like this."

"Worse," said Padmé. "She's… _perfect_."

Leia shuddered, understanding at once the horrors of someone who was perfect. Han and Luke, however, failed to realize the severity of the situation. "I dunno, kid," Han chuckled, addressing Luke. "I'd kinda like a girl who was perfect, wouldn't you?" Leia glared at him and dug her elbow into his arm.

Padmé was amused with his comment and picked the book up from off the floor. "If you're not afraid," she challenged, "then you can have the next read."

"I think I will," Han said back, snatching the book from her hands.

"We're on chapter ten," Obi-Wan informed him.

"What's so bad about being perfect anyway?" Han asked, flipping through the pages to chapter ten.

"You'll see," Anakin said, cackling evilly. "You'll see." Han cast him a wary and suspicious glance and then began reading.

_Chapter 10: a new hope!!!_

_So this is what happened between that time nd now!! Ob1 took lukey_

Leia snickered. "Lukey!" she shouted, pointing at her brother and laughing.

Luke glared at her and Han. "Now, stop messing around Han. I know that it really says 'Luke' not 'Lukey'."

"Nope," said Han with a grin and he showed Luke the page in the book. "It definitely calls you 'Lukey'."

Meanwhile, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padmé were all watching with broad smiles as Luke, Han and Leia tried to figure out why anakinsrealluvur called Luke 'Lukey'. "That's not even the worst of it," said Padmé. "You missed all the horrid and hideous misspellings from the previous chapters. Poor old Grievous, she didn't spell his name right once. The same happened with mine, as a matter of fact."

"And don't forget 'Ob1'," said Obi-Wan.

"Or 'Meany Macey' and 'Yody'," added Anakin.

"And her grammar is atrocious, too," said Padmé.

"Don't forget her demented plot," said Obi-Wan.

"Or her disturbing pen name," added Anakin.

When they were finished listing and describing each and every one of anakinsrealluvur's flaws and disabilities, Luke, Han and Leia were all sitting there, dumbfounded. Noting that they'd done their job well, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padmé stared back at them with wide smiles. "You can continue reading whenever you'd like," Padmé told Han.

Han glared at her. "I think I will, as a matter of fact!" he snapped.

_Ob1 took lukey to aun beru and uncle owen on Tatooine because he didn wanna watc the stupid kiddie._

Luke looked very offended at this statement. "I thought you wanted to protect me from my father and the emperor?" he asked, sounding very hurt.

Obi-Wan groaned. "I did, Luke," he assured the Jedi. "This is a fictional story made up by a very, very bad writer. Nothing in it is true." Luke lowered his gaze and muttered something inaudible while Han continued reading.

_Padmay took lay-uh_

" 'Lay-uh'?" demanded Leia furiously, looking to her mother for an explanation. Padmé simply shrugged.

_To Alderaan where she cheat on her hubby ob1 wit that icky organa senator guy._

Everyone's mouth flew open at that statement, with the exception of Han, Obi-Wan and Anakin. Luke and Leia looked at each other in dismay while Padmé looked like she was about to explode.

"You married Obi-Wan?" exclaimed Luke, wide eyed.

"And you cheated on him with Senator Organa?" demanded Leia.

"No! No! No! No! No!" shouted Padmé. "I would NEVER marry Obi-Wan and I would NEVER cheat on my husband with Senator Organa!"

"Hey!" objected Obi-Wan indignantly. "What's wrong with me?"

Padmé shook her head in frustration. "Never mind," she said quickly. "Keep reading!"

_And then when ob1 came back and found padmay and the dude guy together he killed them both and ran away to tatooin to watch lukey. He left lay-uh alone with the dude guy's wife, who wa also cheat on._

"Ha! Ha!" Padmé exclaimed with elation. "She killed me off! Goodbye, you poor unfortunate souls!" And with an excited yelp, she ran over to join PKUONWECC before anyone could stop her.

Obi-Wan and Anakin exchanged mournful looks, both wishing very much to be killed off so they could forsake the Suefic for some delicious cookies. Luke and Leia were a bit confused while Han continued reading like nothing had happened.

_Perfectua and her hot sexi annie were living a wonderful liofe as empress and emperor of the beautiful galaxie and their wonderful angelic beautiful hot and perfect daughter Mornariel was the most beautiful girl in the entire universe, thouh maybe she was not as prettie as Perfectua._

"Who's Perfectua?" inquired Luke. "And why is she Empress of the Galaxy?"

"And why, father, do you have a daughter with her?" wondered Leia.

Anakin sighed wearily. "It's a long story," he groaned. "But Perfectua's the Mary Sue, and Mornariel is her and Obi-Wan's daughter.

"In the previous chapters," explained Obi-Wan, "Perfectua arrived from some other world and proceeded to seduce and sleep with both myself and Anakin. Unfortunately, she had my child and then married Anakin anyway. Then she made me marry Padmé and raise Luke and Leia. Anakin killed Palpatine and crowned himself Emperor. Oh, and Perfectua killed Yoda."

"Wow," was all any of the three of them could say.

_Bu then lukey and lay-uh went bad. Or at leas lay-uh did because lukey didn know ne better. SHE WENT AND JONED THE FRICKIN REBELLLSS!!! I mean who dos that? specially when annie was such a hot and amazing emperor dudey._

_So one day annie and his loverly daughter Mornariel caught lay-uh's itsy bitsy shippy thingy and came on board wit a bunch of stormies._

Luke chuckled. "Somehow, they don't seem nearly as threatening when they're called 'stormies'."

"It's the power of the Sues," said Obi-Wan. "They change everything."

"I'm amazed that you both overlooked the fact that she completely trashed the Rebel Alliance and me," said Leia angrily. "You're too busy with funny names."

Han put a comforting arm around Leia. "Calm down, Your Worship. It's just a story." Then, he continued reading.

_"where are you going!!!" annie demanded once he had lay-uh brough to him. "what hav u done wit those plansss!!!???"_

_lay-uh mimicked annie like the lil brat that she was and sai "I don no wat ur talking bout!!!"_

The real Leia looked truly offended at this statement. "I am NOT a little brat!" she insisted, despite the nods and looks she was getting from the rest of them.

"Be quiet over there!" yelled Padmé from the corner where PKUONWECC sat eating their cookies.

_"U lie!" shouted annie and he was bout to ttack lay-uh wit his super hot lightsaber wen Mornariel came in._

"_STOP!" she said._

Anakin and Obi-Wan groaned. "Sue number two is here to save the day!" Anakin exclaimed with false happiness.

_Annie look at Mornariel. "this lil liar stole our wonderful plans for our summer housey, dear."_

"_I DID NOT U STUPID EVIL DUDE!" lay-uh whined. Obviousl she was liing._

"I would NEVER steal the plans to anyone's summer home," Leia said in indignation.

Anakin patted her on the shoulder. "It's okay, dear," he said. "It's the Sue. She messes everything up."

"But why does she have to pick on me?" Leia whined.

"Because you're female and canon," Obi-Wan informed her. "If she left you alone, it'd make her look less special."

_Mornariel looked at lay-uh wit her super hot violet eyes that reflected hidden depths of kindness and caringness. "Oh daddie, just arrest her. U don have 2 kill her."_

"_okey dokey," agreed annie_

Anakin flinched. "I would NEVER say 'okey dokey'."

Leia patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, dad. It's the Sue. She messes everything up."

_So annie order the stormies to take lay-uh away and went about looking for his summah housey plans. He really really really really waned to hav a nic summah wit his supah hot wife, Perfectua. Mornariel coud rule the galaxie whil he was gone._

They all stopped dead at the thought of that Sue ruling the galaxy and the only sound in the room was that of PKUONWECC eating their cookies. After a considerable amount of time went by, Han continued reading.

_Then Mornariel tol annie that lay-uh had taken the plans and sen them off to Tatoo._

"_Ine_!" exclaimed Anakin. "It's Tatoo_ine_!"

_so then annie sent Mornariel off to Tatoo too! There she was gunna meet Lukey and Han-Wan and somebody else reallllllllllly special! But you'll hav to wait tillll next chaptah for that!!!!_

"Oh dear," muttered Obi-Wan. "I do think things just got worse."

"You got that right, old man," said Han. "Where does she get off calling me 'Han-Wan'?"

"She probably likes the fact that it rhymes," Leia said dryly.

"No!" said Obi-Wan, shaking his head frantically. "There's going to be another Sue!"

"What?" shouted the others in confusion.

" 'Somebody else really special'," Obi-Wan clarified, "mean that there's going to be another Sue."

"Too bad for you, kid," Han said to Luke as he closed the book.

"Why is it too bad for me?" Luke asked innocently. "We all have to hear it."

"I know," said Han, "but you have to _read_ it."

ey


	11. Chapter 11: The Third Time

**Chapter Eleven: The Third One's NOT the Charm**

Luke was not at all pleased with his new assignment. He glared at the book in his hands, wishing that it would just disappear or that the stupid door would open. Neither one happened.

"Do I really have to read this?" he whined, looking around at Han, Leia, Anakin and Obi-Wan and hoping that one of them would take pity on him.

"Yes!" came the unanimous reply.

Luke grumbled and opened up 'The Other Chosen 1' by 'anakinsrealluvur'. He opened up to the page titled 'chappie elvensy: suppah hott pilot gurl'. When he read the chapter title aloud, a rather large groan came from the unfortunate listeners and Obi-Wan said, "I told you so! Another Sue! By the Force, if she is anything like Perfectua…" He voice drifted off into a serious of inaudible curses.

_On the sunnie plant of tattoo_

"-ine," Anakin finished, displeased with the way the name of his home world was butchered.

_LUKE SKYWALKER had jus bought r2 & 3po._

"Hold on a moment," said Obi-Wan. "There is no way she actually called you 'Luke'."

"Yeah," agreed Anakin. "She never said anybody's name right."

"And she already called you 'Lukey'," added Leia.

"Oh," said a flustered Luke, "Well… umm… there's a first time for everything?" His voice rose at the end of the statement, making it sound like a question.

"Lemme see that," said Han as he snatched the book from him. "Ha! You cheating farm boy," he shouted at Luke. "She _did_ call you 'Lukey'."

"Cheater!" hissed Anakin and Obi-Wan. Both of them had been driven slightly insane by Perfectua's inability to sleep alone.

"Fine!" yelled Luke. "But Han has to continue reading because he took the book from me."

"No," said Leia. "Han already read his chapter. It's your turn now." Luke grumbled again and took the book back from a smugly grinning Han.

_Nd then stupi r2 ran of so lukey + 3po ha to go afer him. Thas wher they meh ob1!!! But lukey was to stupid nd decide to call him benny_

"What?"

Luke had not taken very well to being called 'too stupid'.

"There is some truth in that actually," said Obi-Wan, looking rather amused. "Even after I told you my real name, you continued to call me 'Ben'."

"Yeah," Luke whined, "But I always knew you as 'Ben', and I _never_ called you 'Benny'!"

"Stop your whining!" Anakin commanded. Obi-Wan sniggered. "What are _you_ laughing about?" Anakin said irritably.

"Oh, nothing," Obi-Wan said at first, but then it seemed he could not hold back. "Okay, okay. It's just that you whined just as much as Luke does. It must run in the family or something."

Anakin and Luke both stared at him in disbelief. "I do not whine!" both of them shouted at him at the same time.

"Just go on," insisted Obi-Wan.

Luke muttered something that sounded like 'I do not whine, Benny,' but then continued reading.

_So then benny and lukey went to Moss Eslie wher they hope to find a pilot to take them to alderrayy._

At this point, Leia had to restrain herself from saying some very mean things about the dimwitted writer could not spell 'Alderaan'.

_In the cantiny, lukey got into some fight wit some guy and he was soo stupid that benny had to sav him and cut off the dudes arm._

"Hey!" shouted Luke indignantly. "The guy was tough. And I am NOT stupid!"

Han patted Luke on the back. "Keep telling yourself that, kid. Keep telling yourself that," he said.

_Then benny showed lukey han-wan and the chewie granola bar_

"Chewie granola bar?" asked everyone in unison, for none of them had ever encountered Quaker's Chewy Granola Bars and had no idea what the Suethoress was trying to say by calling Chewbacca one of them. Actually, she wasn't trying to say anything, but was unable to distinguish between two things of the same name. But what Luke was about to read next was worse than that. Much worse.

_Next to han-wan and the chewie granola bar was the most prettifullest woman lukey had ever seen._

A loud groan was heard in the room. In fact, it was so loud that the lucky members of PKUONWECC turned around and glared at them. "Be quiet over there!" yelled Sidious. "You're disturbing our cookie eating!"

Ignoring the Sith Lord, Obi-Wan exclaimed, "I told you! I told you there would be another Sue!"

"And you were right," Anakin moaned, "Again."

Obi-Wan said with a grimace, "In this case, I'd rather not have been." He turned to Luke. "But you have it worst of all. It seems you're her love slave this time."

"Which means that Han gets Mornariel," Anakin added with a sadistic grin.

Now several things all happened at once. Luke looked like he was about to be sick. Leia was so angry that it looked she'd turned into a tomato. Han gave a smug smile. "I still don't see what's wrong with a perfect woman," he announced.

Obi-Wan and Anakin gave him a couple of sly smiles. "Just wait. You will," they assured him.

_She smilled sexksily at him an lukey nealy faintd b/c she was ssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo prettay._

"Oh, come on!" Luke pleaded. "Please don't make me read this Force-forsaken book!"

"Oh, just suck it up and keep reading," Anakin ordered him.

"_hiya handsome," she sai giggling hawtly. "watcha youre name?"_

"_lukey skyrunner."_

Now Anakin and Luke both got very mad at this insult to their last name. "It's SkyWALKER not SkyRUNNER!" they shouted. Obi-Wan, Han and Leia found this all very amusing and simply told the two disgruntled and whiney Skywalkers to 'suck it up and keep reading'.

"_hiya lukey skyrunner. My names Saturnalia Jolicoeur."_

Sniggers erupted from the group reading the horrible Suefic. " 'Saturnalia'?" Han asked. "What kind of a name is _that_?"

"The same kind as 'Perfectua' and 'Mornariel'," Obi-Wan answered.

"They're Sue names," concluded Anakin.

_And Saturnalia Jolicoeur was the most beautifullest woman that lukey had ever seen, but of course he'd never seen Perfectua. Saturnalia was even most prettiful that that lay-uh person he saw in that hologrammy thing in benny's house._

"Hmmph!" Leia crossed her arms in indignation and stuck her chin in the air.

"Lighten up," Han teased, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

_Lukey was too busy staring at Saturnalia tha he didn notice tha benny and han-wan had made a deal to go to alderrayy_

_But menawile…. Mornariel was walkin round Moss eslie b.c her daddy ha orderd her 2 find the solen plans to their summery housey. She wen into the cantiny and saw lukey and benny nd she audomaticallie knew that benny was her real daddy b.c the force told her nd shes smart lik dat._

Obi-Wan groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. "Does she have to continually remind me that that Sue is allegedly my child?"

"She may not have to," said Anakin, "but it seems that she likes to."

_So Mornariel decidd to go nd pretend to be fiendly_

"Fiendly?" asked Leia. "I think the author's misspelling actually made more sense that what she wanted to say. To any of us, Mornariel's definitely more fiend than friend." The other nodded their agreement.

_Wit lukey, benny, the chewie granola bar and han-wan. She smiled expecially sexily at han-wan b.c she though he was hawt._

"I told you!" Anakin shouted triumphantly at Han. "Now you get to experience the full power of the Sue!"

Han shrugged. "I still don't see what's so bad about a perfect woman." Leia elbowed him angrily. "Ow!" Han yelled, glaring at her. "What did I do?" Leia turned away and said nothing, but there was no missing the disdain evident in her expression.

_Benny didn reconize Mornariel b.c he wus an old man nd he forget that he had a dauder._

Obi-Wan glared at the book, not even surprised that anakinsrealluvur had insulted his intelligence. "Now elderly folk may forget little things as they grow older, but I doubt that anyone, let alone myself, would forget that they had a daughter. Now I might _want_ to forget about Mornariel, but that doesn't mean I can."

"Oh, just stop complaining," said Anakin.

"_heyyyyy sexie ladie," said han-wan… "were goin to alderayy. Wanna com?"_

The real Han looked thoroughly shocked.

"Understand yet?" Leia asked.

"I'm starting to," Han gulped.

_Mornariel giggled. "sur hawt guy!" she esclamed and kissed han-wan full on the mouth._

Han looked up in astonishment. "Can you stop reading now, kid? I think I get the point."

Luke grinned slyly. "No."

Leia looked ready to murder someone. "Obi-Wan?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"Can I borrow your lightsaber?"

"No!" Obi-Wan shouted in amazement, remembering how Padmé continually asked him the same question. It must run in the family, he decided.

"But-,"

"No!"

Pouting, Leia turned to Han and settled for slapping him instead of running him through with a lightsaber. "What was that for?" Han demanded.

"Kissing the Sue and cheating on your wife!" Leia yelled.

"That's the end of the chapter," Luke announced, looking up from 'The Other Chosen 1'.

"Good," said Han with a sigh of relief.

Luke passed the book to Leia, and she looked at it like it was going to bite her. "What do you want me to do with that?" she asked.

"It's your turn to read," Luke told her.


	12. Chapter 12:DeathMoonAlderrayy&WavinV

Yes, I know this is terribly short. It's just been so long and I felt like I _had_ to post something.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: The Death Moon, Alderrayy and Wavin V**

_Chappir 12: alderrayy go BOOM!!!!_

Leia groaned, looking down at the hideous Suefic in her hands with such hate that it looked as if she was trying to burn a hole in it with her eyes. "It figures," she muttered savagely, "that I get to read this chapter!"

Han laid a hand on her shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture. "That which does not kill you, only makes you stronger," he recited.

"Yeah," Leia snorted, "but I'm not so sure this _isn't _going to kill me."

"Just get on with it," Anakin said impatiently. Obi-Wan wearily nodded his agreement. "The sooner you read, the sooner we'll be finished with this ordeal."

_So lay-uh was caughted on the death moon_

"Death Moon?" The entire group stared at the book incredulously.

"I know that I _thought_ it was a moon," Han said in shock, "but this is just ridiculous."

"And I'm afraid it will only get worse," Obi-Wan said. "Carry on."

_And annie was ther wit the supah evill creepie dude witout a name._

"Tarkin," Anakin chuckled. "Too bad he's not here to hear that."

"Did someone say my name?"

Eyes wide, Anakin and the rest of the group turned to look at the door, which had just closed behind none other than the notorious Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin.

"Speak of the devil," Anakin muttered.

Tarkin's skeletal face expressed nothing but befuddlement as his mind processed the scene before him. His narrow eyes darted back and forth between the unfortunate group reading 'The Other Chosen 1' and PKUONWECC, who were blissfully enjoying their cookies without even a glance at the new arrival. "What is going on here? I was beginning to think that everyone was hiding from me."

"Why would anyone want to do that?" Obi-Wan whispered not so discreetly to Luke, who erupted into not so silent giggles.

Tarkin shot a nasty glare at the two while Anakin tried futilely to explain the horrors that were Perfectua, Mornariel and Saturnalia. Upon receiving a blank stare in return, he finally settled on saying, "You'll find out what's going on soon enough."

"Take a seat," said Han with feigned happiness. "You're going to be here for quite a while."

Casting suspicious looks at everyone in the room, including the cookie-eating members of PKUONWECC, Tarkin took the seat to Luke's left and Leia picked up the Suefic once more.

_The Death Moon was jus abou readie to blow up alderaayy nd the creep guy witout a nam _

"Psst!" Anakin called to Tarkin, who wasn't the least bit ruffled by the Death Moon or the creepy guy without a name. "She's talking about you!"

The Grand Moff turned on Anakin. "What are you talking about?" he sneered.

"You're the creepy guy without a name," Anakin answered.

"What? Surely you must be mistaken. Are you sure that the author is not referring to you, Lord Vader?" Tarkin suggested. "With that bodysuit and mask, you certainly were creepy."

Anakin glared at him. "Leia, keep reading."

"_wher is yur rebel base?" demand he creepie dude._

_Lay-uh immeditaly brust into tears._

"What?" Leia yelled in stunned disbelief. "I did not cry! This is an outrage!"

As Han tried yet again to make Leia fell better, Tarkin turned to Anakin. "What's got her so riled up?" he asked, not in the least bit comprehending the horrors of the story.

"A number of things," Anakin explained simply. "But first and foremost the fact that Han's cheating on her with a Mary Sue." Ignoring Tarkin's gawking expression, he turned his attention to Leia, who had gone back to leering at the book. "Get on with it, already!"

"_puh-lease!!!!! Puh-lease!!!! Dnon't killll meeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" lay-uh wailed. "I will tell you ANYUTHingg!!!"_

"Ridiculous," Leia spat, regarding the book with a look of utmost disgust.

"So are a great many things in this horrid tale," Obi-Wan breathed. "Let's just get it over with." Leia grumbled something inaudible before continuing.

_The creepy evlly dude THAT WAS NOT ANNIE smled. "THEN ANSUR MY QUESTON!!!!!!!!!"_

"Ha!" Anakin yelped triumphantly, pointing a finger at Tarkin. "Did you hear that?"

Tarkin let out a resigned sigh. "Nothing makes sense anymore. How could anyone think that _I_ am creepy?"

The group looked away rather than answer his question. Leia resumed reading without being told.

"_okay!!! Okey!!!" lay-uh wailed. "the bas is n Wavin!!! Wavin five!!!"_

"Wavin?" Luke asked, confused. "I've never heard of that planet before."

Han groaned at his innocent stupidity. "That's because there _is_ no planet Wavin, kid. It's the dumb writer who made another dumb mistake."

"Oh," Luke said, still not really understanding.

"I won't read any longer," Leia said abruptly, dropping the book to the floor.

"Oh, come on!" Obi-Wan groaned.

"You have to," Anakin insisted. "It's the rules."

"I won't," she insisted, crossing her arms over her chest. "I will not continue to read this brutal butchery of my character. It's an outrage, a scandal!"

"Oh, get over it, your worship!" Han pleaded. "Everybody else had to put up with it. Why can't you?"

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that?" she growled. "And I will _not_ read any more of this nonsense!"

"So what do we do now?" Obi-Wan asked.

"This," Anakin said, picking up the book and hurling it at Leia. It hit her on the head with a significant 'thump'.

"What was that for?" she demanded, rubbing the spot where 'the Other chosen 1' had hit her.

"KEEP READING!" Anakin shouted at her. "That's an order."

"You can't order me around!" Leia shouted back, picking up the book and throwing it back at him.

Anakin ducked and the book fell harmlessly to the floor behind the couch. "I can to!" he said childishly. "I am your father!"

"I'm not reading anymore of it," Leia insisted, shaking her head finally. "If you're so eager to hear how the story ends, then finish it yourself."

"You know," Anakin mused. "That's not a bad idea." He promptly stood up and retrieved the book from the place where it had fallen. Taking his seat back, he opened up to the appropriate page and prepared to resume reading. "I'm not stopping for anything. We're going to get through this chapter as quickly as possible."

_"is on wavin, u say?" the creepe evilly dude ask. he went nd hand a button to lay-uh. "we r 2 farr from wavin 2 attac rite now, so u can blow up alderray now."_

At this point, Tarkin tried to defend himself, but his words were lost as Anakin raised his voice and refused to stop reading.

_"watttttt?????????????????????????????????????????????????????" lay-uh asky. _

_"u hrd me!" shuted the dude evil. "blew up alderayy of I WILL KILL U!!!! MWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

_LAY-UH burst into ters agin nd tok the buton from the duy that was very ver verry veryyy bad. she push it nd alderray go boom!!!!!_

_then the guy man thing killed her neway._

Not even Anakin's valiant attempts to keep reading could drown out Leia's cries of jubilation.

"SHE KILLED ME! SHE KILLED ME!"

The princess had jumped up from her seat on the couch and had proceeded to dance around in a very un-Leia-like fashion.

"SHE KILLED ME! SHE KILLED ME!"

"Does she have to rub it in?" Obi-Wan asked. He was still bitter about being killed and then brought back to life. It didn't look like he, Anakin, Luke or Han would ever get to join PKUONWECC.

"Yup," Luke answered, watching Leia kiss Han goodbye before prancing off to PKUONWECC.

Meanwhile, Anakin turned the page and then handed the book to Tarkin, who had yet to read because he had only recently arrived. "That's the end of the chapter," he said, giving the Grand Moff a pitying look. "It's your turn now."

Tarkin sighed, but did nothing more to protest. His voice was solemn and grave as he read the title of the next chapter:

_chappie thirteeeeeen: Mornariel's haunting_.


End file.
